Notice
Nothing in these materials is in any way intended to suggest, advise, recommend or in any other way influence toward the spanking of children. We are adamantly opposed to any form of abuse or exploitation of children (or anyone). This booklet and all DWC material are designated as Adult material and should be maintained as private resources for use by consenting adults only.
Introduction
What is the purpose of this booklet?
The focus of the Disciplinary Wives Club has always been first and foremost to
encourage, support and enhance the relationships of committed couples. Over
the past 5-6 years of operating the DWC, I have heard from thousands of men
who come to me with the same basic problem. They desperately want to have a
real DWC relationship with their wife and for a variety of different reasons, it is
not happening.
The reasons for their lack of a DWC relationship range all the way from "my wife
absolutely refuses" to "I have not actually got up the nerve to tell her". I address
many of these problems in this booklet. The way I address them is to coach you
through a method and a mindset that will increase your chances of success.
Part One of the booklet discusses some of the basic foundation issues for
building a DWC Relationship. These are some of the foundation values and
behaviors you must understand and display. It also guides you toward clarifying
the vision of what you want.
Part Two of the booklet is mainly concerned with getting you to the point that you
are absolutely clear about your vision for your future DWC relationship.
Part Three provides guidance, strategies and methods for persuading your wife
to become a DWC woman.
Part Four contains critical advice on how to make your attempts to have a DWC
relationship successful.
Before you proceed, I want you to understand the way I approach this kind of
important relationship issue. This booklet is not "6 days to a DWC Relationship",
or "101 Simple Tricks to Get Your Wife to Spank you". Instead, it lays out a
method that will absolutely bring substantial improvement to your relationship.
Then, based on your sincere efforts and accomplishments, you will very likely
have built the foundations needed to support a permanent transition to a DWC
life. I will put real challenges before you, and if you work diligently on my
recommendations, you will be rewarded.
My goal is for you, the man in the relationship, to one day ask yourself, "Oh, NO!
What did I get myself into?" as you await an upcoming spanking session that
you desperately want to avoid. Yes, that's right. I want you to be genuinely
anxious and dreading an upcoming discipline session. Why would I say such a
thing? Because it means your wife has taken the role of disciplinarian seriously,has made a decision that you are going to get a good sound licking, and you
have nothing to say about it. It is the essence of a DWC relationship.
However, I owe it to you to be open about the fact that no method or approach is
100% guaranteed. I believe that I am providing you with the very best chance of
getting what you need. If it doesn't happen, you will still have achieved a great
improvement in communication and you will be a better person for your efforts.
That much I know.
Note: This booklet is a supplement to "DWC Lifestyle Kit". Some of the points in
the "DWG Handbook" and the "Companion Guide" have been mentioned in this
booklet because it may be read as a stand-alone source. However, if after
reading this booklet you are planning to go ahead with winning your wife over to
the DWC lifestyle, I recommend obtaining the "Lifestyle Kit," if you do not already have it. The "Companion Guide", which is part of the "Lifestyle Kit", gives you additional useful information and the "Handbook", for the woman, will help her grasp important concepts and ideas she can use to implement your new
lifestyle.
What is a DWC relationship?
I believe in being as clear as possible about the terms I use in my writing. Here is
what I mean by a DWC relationship. The definition of a DWC relationship is that
the woman's role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the
man and he invests her with the absolute authority to decide upon and
wield punishments accordingly. The man's role is to accept this authority
and strive to gain benefit from it.
.
PART ONE
Your Vision
The best way to achieve any goal is to make a plan, work the plan and adjust the
plan as needed. But first you must have that goal fixed clearly in your mind. It all
begins with creating a vision in your own mind of what you are going to manifest
into reality. It is right here, in the visioning process, that your education begins.
Follow my instructions exactly and do not read ahead until I tell you to do so. This
is important. If you choose to just read through everything with the idea that you
will come back later and do the exercises required, you will miss out. There are 3
Steps to the Vision process and they occur in Parts One and Two.
STEP ONE
Find someplace quiet where you can comfortably think and write.
Get one piece of paper, an envelope and complete the following essay: "My
vision of what it will be like to have a DWC relationship." Write in as much detail
as possible. Use only one sheet of paper. You do not have to fill all of the paper.
Just write enough to satisfy yourself that you have fully described your vision.
STEP TWO
Fold your essay, seal it in the envelope and keep it with this booklet. You will
need it later.
The creation of an excellent DWC vision, which you will use as a mental anchor,
will be one of the major outcomes of this section. I want to cover a lot of ideas
and perspectives with you before you finalize that vision. The writing exercise
you just did will contribute to the quality of the vision.
If you have completed your writing exercise, continue reading.
Putting Down the Foundation
If you want to convince your wife that embracing the DWC lifestyle would be a
great thing, you will probably have to take a strategic approach. Why do I say
this? Because 90-95% of the DWC wives I know had to go through a lot of
personal adjustment and learning to become comfortable and competent in their
new role. It is rare that a woman is just waiting to take her husband over her knee
and just needed him to ask.
Before you press on with the DWC issue with your wife, you should first
determine if the basics of your relationship are sound and in place. Don't
automatically say "yes". Check yourself out on the following by thinking them
through and deciding if they really are in good shape. By the way, if your
assessment is "yes, indeed, they are all perfect", ah, excuse me, but have
another look. ALL OF US on this planet have work to do and except for a saint of
two, there will be areas you need to improve. It's just a matter of which ones.
If your wife were expressing her true, innermost feelings, try to imagine what
might she say about you with regard to each of the following:
- v Trust
- v Honesty
- v Loyalty
- v Sincerit
- v Communication
- v Thoughtfulness
- v Generosity
You should score pretty well on these items before you actually begin your
campaign to install the DWC Lifestyle into your home. Why do I say that?
Because a solid relationship is the stepping stone that provides a foundation for
both of you to feel O.K. about taking risks. Moving into a new, different lifestyle,
one in which the woman often has to really stretch her ideas about relationships
can be unsettling. A firm foundation helps to minimize that as a problem. Do not
underestimate how challenging this may be for your wife.
Believe me, if you intuitively know that you would not score well on any of those
points, you will need to work those out first. You do not want to force the issue of
DWC lifestyle too soon and have it become a negative experience. I understand
that this is a challenge for you. Having the DWC relationship and getting the
discipline you crave is powerful and compelling. However, if you allow impatience
or any other negative emotions on your part into the program, you will be creating
your own obstacles.
Keep this in mind: it is more difficult to convince someone to do something if they
have previously had a bad experience with it. Sure, many of you will have tried
this before and not succeeded. Then that is where you start from. But, if you
have not broached this topic before, do the work first, you will make it easier on
both of you.
Starting NOW . . . You must take full responsibility for what happens every day
and for the eventual outcome of your efforts to win her into the DWC Lifestyle. It
is no longer acceptable to find her at fault, blame her in any way for being
resistant or skeptical, or become angry if things are not progressing the way you
envisioned them.
For many men, this is a big challenge and a fundamental shift in thinking and
behavior. You own the problem and it is your role to work hard to build a solution.
Do you think it sounds unfair? Well it isn't at all. It is a practical approach that will
greatly improve the underlying feelings in the everyday part of your relationship.
Any part of your relationship, as it now stands, can be viewed from the
perspectives of: "What do I think she needs to change to make this all better?"
and, "What can I possibly change to make this all better?" Choose the latter
approach, every time. Again, maybe not easy, but it is the practical way.
Find a way to fill your heart with the desire to literally do everything in your power
to make her happy. And don't fall into a "score keeping" mode and be watching
for her acts of reciprocation. Take pleasure and satisfaction from each action you
can take on her behalf. Over time, and in unexpected ways, you will be delighted
by the direction your relationship takes.
Another thing. Don't bother giving her any verbal promises, in advance, that you
are going to make all these positive changes. Don't announce your intentions to
be of service to her. Just do it, and keep doing it, until she spontaneously tells
you how pleased she is with the changes she has noticed. She will notice.
Definitions
Trust
Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone. One in
which confidence is placed.
To build or rebuild trust you will have to be extremely conscious of keeping your
commitments and agreements.
You may have habits such as; being late, forgetting to do things you said you
would, or acting in ways which you know your partner would not approve. Make
the promise to yourself that your commitments to her come first. Be reliable. If
you know of some particular incidents in the past which hurt her feelings or
otherwise undermined her trust in you, see if you can think of some way to readdress them; to make things right.
Honesty
Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct. Honesty implies a refusal to lie,
steal or deceive in any way.
Honesty is a simple concept that sometimes gets sidetracked by rationalizing.
This is done by telling yourself it is easier to change the facts, or to omit
important information. One common form of dishonesty is to tell yourself you are
doing it for the other person. In addition there is the factor of emotional honesty:
being real, truthful, open and vulnerable. If you hide or distort your feelings with
your wife, you are not being honest.
How does this harm your relationship? It harms it by building walls, areas of
yourself which you can't share with your wife. Very simply this means less mutual
SHARING. It means less space that the two of you have to be together in. And
this is really the most valuable of all. If you and your partner are not emotionally
honest with one another, the bond between you is a lot less than it could be.
Not an easy thing to change? That's O.K. because you don't have to blast away
the walls and bare everything today, or tomorrow, or even the next day. What
you do have to do is put into place, in your own mind and heart, the commitment
to become more emotionally honest and open.
Find a way to keep yourself reminded about it and in due time you will both
experience the benefits. This is a magic thing because as you gradually become
more emotionally available, you will find that she automatically reciprocates.
Loyalty
Faithful to a person to whom fidelity is due.
It goes without saying that husbands and wives should remain faithful. What is at
issue here is more of her feeling confident that you are really, truly in her corner.
She should feel that you are her biggest fan and that you will do what you can to
make her efforts in life successful. She's the one you will stand up for and she
knows it. If 1 asked you if your wife feels like she is number ONE to yOu and she
could answer yes, then you are where you want to be.
If you would have to hesitate or could not honestly say she is number ONE to
you, then you have to find a way to make some changes. Sure, once she gets
the discipline going, and spanks you a few times, you will know she is number
ONE; you will feel it inside. But the real trick is to make her number ONE first.
She will feel greatly empowered and confident when she knows she is IN FACT
number ONE. And an empowered woman is much more likely to feel able to take
risks and take control.
Sincerity
The quality or state of being sincere: honest of mind, free of hypocrisy. Earnest
devotion without reservation or misgivings.
This is about your relationship with yourself. It is when you can really feel that
your words are in total alignment with who you really are, inside. You will find that by focusing on the other items on this list, you will experience the pleasure of
your sincerity increasing. This is another of those "intangibles", things that your
wife really can't put her finger on, but somehow she keeps feeling better and
better toward you. And you will find that you like yourself more too.
Communication
A process by which information is exchanged between individuals.
If you have read the information on my Website or any of my other materials, you
know that I consider communication to be the underlying idea upon which all
relationships succeed or fail. How much intention do you put in your everyday
communication with your wife. Do you give her the detail she needs? Do you
include her in most of your world or do you basically keep her in a small space?
Your relationship is a partnership. Partnerships can only succeed when each
person knows a great deal about what the other is doing. With great
communication comes the ability to be more supportive, more able to anticipate
one another's needs and more able to share intimate experiences.
Thoughtfulness
Giving heedful anticipation of the needs and wants of others
Once you are in greater communication with your wife you will become more
naturally attuned to her needs, wants, and desires. With this improved
awareness comes the opportunity to act upon some of them. You will find
yourself thinking of her when you see something she might need at the store. Or
you might find yourself motivated to send her a card or flowers. You might notice
that she has something on her "to do" list that you could do for her, or that she
would be appreciative to find that you filled the gas tank in her car. Thoughtful
actions show you are thinking about her and this is will be well received.
Generosity
Liberal in giving, openhanded. Marked by abundance.
This is a characteristic l promote and encourage as to how you carry out
everything I discuss with you. Look for ways to do the most possible and give the
most possible. Don't look for what is the minimum you can get away with and still
"complete the task".
This whole program is about you going forth in a genuine spirit of love and
service for your wife. It is not about keeping score and judging did you get "one-for-one" back for what you gave or did.
Don't expect to get "one-for-one" back. Expect and require "none-for-one" back
and just keep doing these things because a real DWC husband is a gentleman
through and through and that's how gentlemen operate.
Do I think there is a possibility that you will get nothing back for all of your effort?
Ha. You will be rewarded in so many ways that you couldn't guess all of them.
But not if you ever say, "I did this for you, and when I asked, you didn't do that for
me". All of the wonderful gifts and joys she bestows upon you, including your
good old fashioned discipline, are acts of generosity on her part. That is how I
want you to see it. DWC wives are women who are very happy in their
relationships and are comfortable in their maternal discipline role. These women,
in my experience, are anything but selfish.
Stop here and answer this question:
Have you fully understood and applied the practices described above? You
should achieve significant progress in these areas before going ahead.
PART TWO
Your Vision
Once you have worked the issues described above and you are certain you have
improved your "scores" on all needed areas, you can begin more focused efforts
to convince her to adopt the DWC Lifestyle.
STEP THREE
The Vision
At this time I want you to open the envelope with your essay "My vision of what it
will be like to have a DWC relationship." in it. Re-read your essay. You will
probably notice that most of it is about what you want. How you would be made
to obey and how you would be disciplined.
How much of your original essay was about your wife and what she will gain from
the DWC lifestyle? Maybe not as much as you now think there should be. Make
some new notes on the original essay, including more about what your wife will
receive from the whole thing.
Now, take out another piece of paper and write one paragraph or less, that
expresses your new vision of what your DWC relationship will be like. After you
have done this continue reading.
Some of the best vision statements 1 have seen were written for business
purposes so I will use that as an example to help you understand what we are
doing. Businesses spend a lot of money in people's time and energy writing
vision statements is because they help achieve goals.
Writing a good vision statement has been known to take days, or even weeks in
a business setting. They work to refine and refine it until it becomes a clear
statement, a beacon in the night, that will carry them through the ups and downs
and the confusion of the real world. No matter what is going on, they can always
look at the vision statement and have a guiding philosophy to help them make
decisions and plan actions.
BUSINESS EXAMPLE
"Our reason for existence is to serve our customer and provide superior quality
products at the lowest possible price. We consider integrity in the workplace one
of our uncompromising values."
This is typical for a business vision. Look carefully at it and then read on.
This vision statement hangs in everyone's office as a constant reminder of the
company philosophy and purpose. It says they are there to provide service. What
does that mean on a daily basis? !t will show up in the priorities of the
organizations plans, in the actual way customers are treated, and it will be
measured. The company will find ways to measure customer satisfaction and will
strive to keep improving their results.
It also says they are there to provide superior quality. How will they do that?
Again, in their plans they will design ways to make sure that every possible flaw
or weakness in their product is fixed. They will test their products, they will study
customer feedback and returns, and they will embark on a never ending quest for
perfection. Same with lowest price. They will find ways to keep down the cost of
producing their product, packing it, and shipping it.
How about integrity? For this they will probably hold training so everyone
understands what it means and then include that as a factor in measuring
employee performance.
So you can see how a carefully thought out and worded Vision can have a major
influence on the success of a business. Now, let's apply that idea toward your
relationship.
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP EXAMPLE
"Our relationship will be based on mutual respect and love. Sandy will employ
Maternal Discipline, at her discretion, to help Phillip become a better husband
who strives to delight her in every way. Our goal is to continually improve the
quality of our relationship and to overcome any bad habits Philip has."
First the statement reinforces that love and mutual respect are the basis of the
relationship. Each party will look for ways to make that happen every day.
Sandy's role is clearly described, she will employ maternal discipline to help
Phillip learn to better serve her. (This in not some kind of "slave" statement, this
is about his ever increasing ability to be a loving husband). The Vision statement
focuses on Philip overcoming detrimental habits.
Do we think Sandy is perfept? No, she is a person too, complete with
imperfections. But, in a relationship based on Maternal Discipline, it is up to her
to choose to work on those or not. There is an implied "child/authority figure
element to the DWC Lifestyle. If a kid gets a discipline spanking from Mom or
Auntie, they don't get to say "well O.K. but you smoke and drive too fast so you
have to get a spanking too". They just have to accept it, like it or not.
Stop here and answer this question:
"Have you fully worked the relationship issues describes so far in this booklet?"
If not, please, put the booklet away until that is accomplished, or at least well
underway. I want your effort to be successful and I have taken the best ideas I
have and put them here in this booklet. If you want me as your advisor and you
want to benefit from my guidance, follow my directions, now.
PART THREE
Persuading Her to Become a Disciplinary Wife
To win the day, your wife will have to "buy in" to your proposal fully, and feel
eager to begin. Here are a set of steps I suggest you follow, making sure that
each item on the list has been successfully accomplished before going on to the
next. There is a psychology of gaining commitment that says success with one
step will lead to success in the next and ultimately in having your proposal
enthusiastically accepted.
You must be willing to control this process. It may sound contradictory because
your ultimate goal is to have her take the control, but to make it a reality you will
have to stay firmly on track. If you give up the control before she has agreed to
take it over, you will not succeed.
Always remember this vital point. The central point in a DWC relationship is that
you both agree that the DWC wife owns the "stronger role" and that the man
cannot, ever, use his superior strength to intimidate the woman or to prevent her
from administering discipline. He must always submit, even if he thinks she is
wrong. With this reality firmly in your mind you will be helping her still further to
experience the reality of the whole program.
Guess what, bad boys have resented getting their comeuppance since the
beginning of time. That doesn't change. Except for the fact that in the DWC
relationship, the man always thanks his wife for his discipline. That is a courtesy
and etiquette of the DWC.
YOU
She has to feel good about you. You, as a person, must be credible to her. It may
sound funny to say, but she must really like you. If you did the work previously
described in the "Visioning" section, I think you will be on sound footing for this
step.
THE IDEA OF MATERNAL DISCIPLINE
It is a sad commentary that Maternal Discipline, which is based on the loving
attention of a wife toward her husbands disciplinary needs and desires, gets
mixed up with porn, S&M, and in general the sleazy, dark side of people. Alternatively, your wife might see it as just silly, childish, and not take it seriously. You probably will have to overcome something in her initial reaction to the idea.
You must help her to become comfortable with the idea that this element in your
relationship would be wholesome, productive and not as "unusual" as she might
initially think.
Timing is critical. You need to be sensitive to her moods and what is going on in
the rest of her life. If she is stressed with problems, not feeling well physically, or
has too much to do at a certain time, don't even consider discussing something
new and controversial with her. Look for a time when you are feeling close to one
another, when you have enough time to have the conversation and not have to
rush it's conclusion.
Your confidence is important. You should be confident in the fact that what you
are going to propose IS a good thing for both of you. You should show that
confidence and commitment to your belief. Not in a pushy way, but in a way that
shows you know this is something you are right about.
Know what you are going to say. Plan what you will say and show to her to help
her become comfortable. Don't play it by ear. Think it out and be ready to handle
and accept her objections. It's fine if she has objections and is reluctant. Your job
is to patiently and persistently work through those with her. In fact, if she has no
objections or questions that is usually an indicator that she is not fully engaged in
the discussion with you. If she does not freely express her questions or
objections, ask her, something like this, in your own words: "I know you must be
thinking something about this. Please share it with me." Or, "You must have a lot
of questions about this, please feel totally free to ask me. I want you to really
understand about it."
Remember what I said in the beginning. "You must take full responsibility for
the eventual outcome of your efforts to win her into the DWC Lifestyle. You are no longer allowed to find her at fault, blame her in any way for being resistant orskeptical, or become angry if things are not progressing the way you envisioned
them. For many men, this is a big challenge and a fundamental shift in thinking
and behavior. You own the problem and it is your role to work hard to build a
solution."
Respect her thoughts and feelings. This should be your mindset: Her objections
or resistance are real to her. Your role is to respect them and to work through
them, together with her, not as adversaries but as partners. You know in your
own mind, for certain, that the DWC Lifestyle will bring wonderful benefits to both
of you. Your work at this stage is to bring her closer to that belief.
Help her recognize that the DWC Lifestyle is a wholesome choice. You will want
her to understand that a great many people, throughout the world, engage in this
lifestyle and are happier for it. The DWC Website is a nice source for this kind of
data. You might want to take her on a "guided tour" of the DWC Website, or you
are welcome to copy off select stories from "Real People" and share those with
her. Whatever you do, frequently ask for her opinions, how she feels about what
she is seeing and give her positive acknowledgement.
The "Website Tour" has the potential to be a turning point, so allow plenty of time
and a relaxed, festive atmosphere. You might offer a nice wine, and somehow
create a "nicer-than-average" ambiance; setting.
Most women are very aware of their wonderful nurturing and healing energy. It is
a gift that we have and a blessing to our families. There is a good chance that
you will have to help your partner understand and believe that when she inflicts
pain and punishment on you, it is in truth nurturing and healing. This may go
against her instincts.
I know 1 had to adjust in that way. So, be sure to let her know in every way you
can, throughout your entire disciplinary relationship as well as during the start-up,
exactly how you feel better and happier. This will give her the data she needs to
release her inhibitions about spanking.
No matter what her objection is, first agree with her somehow. "Yes, I can see how you would think that", "I understand that it looks like that to you". Then, after acknowledging her objections, explain why they arenot actually a problem and why they are a good thing. By initially agreeing with her objection you create, for her, the experience that you understand and accept her feelings so she does not automatically feel that she needs to defend her
position.
EXAMPLES
Wife: "Oh my God. I could never take a grown man over my knee and spank him
like that. It's ridiculous"
Husband: "Yes, that does look silly, doesn't it. It's great that adults, just like you
and 1, found the courage to try something so different and challenging."
Wife: "I guess. But, I could never do something like that"
Husband: "It does seem like a big stretch for you doesn't it? I have been reading
the DWC Website for over a year now and your reaction is similar to many of the
other DWC wives. I think just about all of them felt like it was a big risk when they
tried it the first time. And boy do they sound happy about it now"
Note: The DWC Lifestyle Kit specifically addresses the idea that many women
might be intimidated about not being able to do it right. It encourages her and
aims to remove the pressure.
Wife: "It wouldn't be morally right."
Husband: "I appreciate your concern about that and I also thought about it. I
believe that a man and his wife, in the privacy of their own home, are entitled to
express anything and everything that is OK between them. This will lead to our
relationship becoming even stronger and that is of primary moral importance."
Acknowledge that most people are unwilling to reveal this kind of activity publicly. But, that your research seems to show that it is a pretty popular lifestyle anyway, especially among the more educated and successful couples.
Wife: "I really don't want to become 'the Man' of the house. I like the more
traditional `ManNVife' relationship and would lose respect for you."
Husband: "Honey, I feel the same way and I want to continue to take care of you
and our family, like always. I have read about many DWC. couples where the
husband is still making major family decisions and being 'Husband and Father' in
the traditional ways. The only difference is that the Wife has ultimate authority
over matters of his discipline and they are the only ones who know about it.
SUGGESTIONS
You might say "I have read about so many professional couples who live like this. Many times the guy has a lot of pressure or responsibility on his job and this just helps him feel better and balanced" or "it will be kind of fun, our own lithe secret
that we share between us"
Sometimes a conversation with another DWC wife can make a huge difference. I
have counseled with many women who were encountering this and I believe that
I have helped them make a good decision. The decision to go ahead and enrich
their relationship.
This step is complete when you sense that she feels that maternal discipline is
an OK thing, even if she herself is not ready to commit to trying it out. You may
have to spend a few days or what ever it takes to PATIENTLY move her along to
feeling comfortable with the idea that DWC relationships are an OK thing.
THE BENEFITS FOR HER
Once she feels that a DWC relationship is OK for some people, you will want to
show her that it would be desirable for her. What exactly are the benefits to the
two of you as a couple and to each of you individually? These are the next
questions you will want to answer for her, even if she has not specifically asked.
Hopefully, before this point you will have purchased the DWC Lifestyle Kit. The
"Handbook" is addressed to the woman and it contains a great deal of
explanation and instruction. It also has numerous letters from people who have
achieved great benefit from it. The Lifestyle Kit also strives to overcome some of
the fears women might have about being able to successfully perform the role of
Maternal Disciplinarian.
Here are some points you can use to describe the benefits:
v DWC women consistently report major increases in the romance aspect of
v their relationship.
v DWC husbands tend to be more faithful and devoted. DWC husbands are more eager to be of service to their wives.
v Increased sense of closeness and trust.
v DWC women are able to help their husbands overcome undesirable behaviors and become more successful.
v While not a medically proven fact, I believe that DWC couples are healthier.
The men benefit from the intense release of tension and the women tend not to hold in anger because they can just give out the discipline and release their frustration.
v Problems and disagreements do not drag on or fester. They are solved with a meaningful spanking.
v There is an ongoing fun factor for a DWC couple who "shares a naughty secret"
However, remember this: logic creates interest but emotional buy-in closes
the deal. So, it would be wise to point out how these or other benefits would have
a specific impact on something that is near and dear to your wife's heart.
SUGGESTIONS
Suppose your wife is an absolute fanatic about going to the ballet and you have
either avoided going when possible or went very unwillingly when you did. You
could point out to her that Maternal Discipline would be a wonderful way to
change all of that. You might say "As a DWC husband, if I made you unhappy by
complaining about going to the ballet you would not have to argue with me about
it. You could simply tell me you don't appreciate my attitude, give me the
spanking my behavior deserves right then, before we left, and you would have a
polite and enthusiastic partner at the ballet".
See how the logic and emotional angles work together? Approach it like this and
you will have a good chance of communicating the benefits. Stop and think about
some area in your life together where this can apply; and be ready to address it.
DO YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO BEGIN?
If all goes well, you have come to the point where you are talking about logistics.
v How would this work?
v Where and when could we do it?
v Do we have the right implements?
v How do we begin?
Think about these things so you will have some good ideas, but be particularly
ready to agree with what ever she suggests. You may think you have the "better
idea", but if you use her ideas, she will have more ownership for the whole
event.
You may have always imagined that it would be in the bedroom, over her knee
with a hairbrush and when the first time comes about she wants to spank you
standing up in the bathroom with a wooden spoon. Be very aware of the basics.
Your wife is preparing to give you that first discipline spanking. How ever she
wants to do it is unquestionably the right way. Have you ever heard of a bad
little boy telling his Auntie "Oh no Auntie, I would prefer it if you would spank me
under a shady tree with a belt instead of with that paddle you are holding."? Of
course not. And that's how it goes.
The first time might be awkward. First time efforts can be awkward. If this is
something really new she might feel inhibited, silly or embarrassed. If it looks like
it is going to be too challenging for her to try a real disciplinary session you could
suggest that you both do the session as an "experiment". The idea is to take as
much pressure as you can out of the situation and make it as light as
possible.
You could suggest "Let's pretend like it's a play or something". If she has any
ideas of who she would like to play as the authority figure, that is excellent,
because she has some idea inside herself about that person and how they would
act. In fact, this is a way all of us learn and try out new behaviors whether we are
conscious of it or not. We all study or emulate our heroes to some degree. If she
is stuck and can't think of an idea you could suggest some, such as " How about
you be the Old Fashioned School Teacher and I'll be the Bad student?" Or any
other idea that is lighthearted.
Another possibility to break the ice is to play a game, like cards, or anything else,
and if (or when) you lose she will give you a spanking.
For sure privacy will be an issue. You will want to have someplace to yourselves.
I encourage you to not become fanatically concerned about sounds carrying out
of the house. For most couples new to spanking; it seems like it is so loud and
noisy that people would hear you from miles away. Actually, it's not really that
bad. If you can take some general precautions, like closing the windows, running
an air conditioner, using an interior room, you will not have any problem. But, do
be somewhere where you feel secure in your privacy.
Another strategy to help you wife feel less inhibited is to plan a weekend get
away and go somewhere away from the everyday home life. The actual
experience of being out of the ordinary spaces can also have a liberating quality.
When to try it is simple. As soon as she is willing to give it a try, do your best to
create the conditions for it. Don't lose opportunity by putting things off.
What about implements? Practically speaking there is always something around
the house you can use to get started. The revered hairbrush, the bath brush, a
large wooden spoon, a thick belt. etc. However, if she feels that she wants
something special, like a paddle or something else she has seen, to start with.
Don't argue the point. Remember your goal continues to make this a positive
experience for her, and if she wants that special implement to start, then get it.
PART FOUR
THAT FIRST SESSION
The first time your wife spanks you, believe me, she will be feeling very self-conscious and to some degree insecure about it. That is why, no matter what,
that first session must be a win for her.
Do not, repeat, DO NOT "top from the bottom" now or ever. That means you
don't get to instruct her on her performance unless she asks (and even Men,
you will do so with great caution). If you have come this far with your wife, and
she is actually delivering a spanking to you, that is all you should be thinking
about. It is a major breakthrough and is to be appreciated completely.
Do you wish it would have been harder? Longer, her more in control? Find a way
to absolutely bypass those thoughts, because this first session is really a big
step. Now all you have to do is willingly subject yourself to her discipline, where
and when she requires it. Continue with the patience and things will continue
to evolve over time. Her confidence will grow and she will move into the full role
of a DWC at her own pace.
Your job at this point, is to fully and genuinely appreciate ANY disciplinary
attention you receive. No matter how you choose to word any "suggestions" for
how it could be better next time, this would be a MAJOR mistake.
You might think you could say something like this: " Thank you so much Dear.
That was a great experience and I really felt like you disciplined me. i have been
waiting for this for a long time. One thing though, if maybe next time you could
spank harder that would be great. it was wonderful really. She will hear it this
way "blah blah blah..you didn't spank hard enough, maybe next time you can get
it right..blah blah".
So I will repeat, " Your job is to fully and genuinely appreciate ANY
disciplinary attention you receive". That's it, period. Over time, when spanking
is no longer a brand new and possibly overwhelming experience for her you will
be able to discuss these things and not undermine her confidence. But especially
in the beginning she needs to have as many successful experiences as possible.
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IMPORTANT NOTE: This is not the moment to describe the fantasy you have
been nursing for so long. (I have created a separate booklet, for just that kind of
thing) Do not ask her to act in any certain way, to wear any certain thing, or to do
anything beyond what she seems to be ready to talk about right now.
There is another important possibility to consider. If spanking has been a fantasy
of yours for a long time, but you have not experienced it as an adult, you may be
in for a surprise. All those photos you looked at, stories that you read and
scenarios you played in your mind probably imagined a good, old fashioned, hard
spanking. Well, spankings hurt. "Ouch! Oh OW that IS painful, OW that hurts a
lot, that really hurts, OW' is how it looks in print. But, when you are on the
receiving end of it in real life you might just be overwhelmed by it.
This is a possibility you should consider and if you want to negotiate some limit
on the first couple of attempt's, that's fine. I suggest this option because this is
the only time in your relationship you will have it. As another DWC wife once said
to me " a spanking is like a roller coaster ride. Once you are launched there is no
way off until it's over." And that is a non-negotiable part of a DWC relationship.
Once you are in the Lifestyle, you are free to ask, plead or do what you can to
get leniency, but ultimately it's her decision and you have to accept it,
So, if you have any doubts at all about your ability to take a hard spanking once
you have convinced her to give it a try, work something out in advance.
Otherwise, if you physically prevent her from finishing what ever she wants to do,
because it is hurting and burning like hell, you will have undermined her authority
as the spanker on her first try. For example you could negotiate a "temporary
safe word" which means you could yell "uncle" and she would relent. But, it is like
a 30 day trial period or something. It cannot be instituted as part of your
permanent DWC lifestyle. As I said before, eventually you are going to be subject
to disciplinary sessions that you neither like nor want, but they will be good for
you.
Avoid "topping from the bottom". That means even though she is supposed to
be in charge you are telling her what to do, when and how. If you have high
hopes that she will exactly fulfill your long held fantasy, I suggest that you rethink
that as an expectation. Reality rarely, if ever, replicates a mental fantasy. And
you would frustrate both of you trying to perfectly enact this mental picture.
The good news is that over time she will more than likely become attuned to what
you really need, understand your motivations better, and between you will
develop something far better than the two-dimensional fantasy you have held
onto. You have to trust in the long term evolution of your relationship, the wisdom
and intuitiveness of your partner, and your own willingness to keep up your part.
IN CLOSING
You have my most sincere and fondest wishes that you and your partner are able
to integrate the DWC Lifestyle into your relationship so you can enjoy the
closeness and other benefits that come from it. If your efforts to install the DWG
Lifestyle are not successful this time, please trust that the practices I have
recommended for building your relationship are still of tremendous value and
worth continuing. And, hold on to your dreams, for so long as you are alive the
possibilities are there.
