DWC - How to Scold During Discipline

 

Scolding

 

During the early years of the DWC I communicated with a lot of people. Many conversations were via email, some on the phone, and some in-person. I was happy to help. But I also benefited by learning what problems people were having and the kinds of things that seemed to work in different situations.

During the in-person visits I usually asked the wife to demonstrate her disciplinary practice;  in a private room of course. I observed their spanking techniques and gave suggestions and demonstrations of how to increase effectiveness. Many times the women underestimated how much intensity could be applied. I used to counsel them to leave their protective instincts outside the door of the room. And I would often see their eyes grow wide when I dished out a real paddling. Funny thing; despite all the pleading and crying they discovered their man appreciated the experience.

Being able to deliver a more convincing spanking certainly made the trips worthwhile for people. But longer and more intense, spankings don’t always make the emotional impression necessary to bring about change.

I can’t count how many times I observed women grimly going at the task of whacking their naughty hubby without saying a word while they did it. That’s when I would take them aside and explain that true repentance and behavior change would only happen if he felt emotional pain to go along with the spanking.

I would talk with them and we would discover what she really felt and what really pushed his buttons. Then I would help her figure out a few things to say and then give a spanking while she scolded. The difference was remarkable.

So I had to create a Scolding Booklet for all the people I could never meet in person.

HOW TO SCOLD DURING DISCIPLINE

 

Notice

Nothing in these materials is in any way intended to suggest, advise, recommend or in any other way influence toward the spanking of children.  We are adamantly opposed to any form of abuse or exploitation of children (or anyone).  It is my expectation that decent people will inform the authorities if they discover instances of child abuse or pedophilia. This booklet and all DWC material are designated as Adult material and should be maintained as private resources for use by consenting adults only.

 

© DWC 2000

All the material herein is copyrighted. Rights to reprint any portion require permission of DWC.

Introduction

 

What is the purpose of this booklet?

 

I often hear from people who want to improve their ability to effect behavior change as part of their DWC lifestyle. I always recommend taking a step back and looking at what you are doing. If you are on a single “one track” of spanking harder, longer and more often to achieve behavior change, and it’s not working at all, there is a reason.

 

Of course good old fashioned spanking, that really makes the point, is the cornerstone of our philosophy. But, delivering quality discipline requires bringing a great deal more to the situation than that. It requires that you use your perceptiveness, creativity and logic. Think about it. If all there was to it was to keep increasing the physical punishment, where would it end? Not in a loving, mutually respectful DWC relationship, that’s for sure.

 

That’s why I have written this series of booklets. It is my aim to give you greater detail and direction on how to become a self-evolving, DWC woman, who knows how to enforce her orders. This booklet deals specifically with the issues of scolding and lecture.

I know for a fact that many men would much rather have a punishment spanking than have to endure the sting of their wife’s words. There is always an appropriate balance, between scolding, lecture and actual spanking. I believe that the verbal part of punishment should be done in ways that are very effective, without being overly insulting or degrading.

 

What is a DWC relationship?

I believe in being as clear as possible about the terms I use in my writing. Here is what I mean by a DWC relationship. The definition of a DWC relationship is that the woman’s role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the man and he invests her with the absolute authority to decide upon and wield punishments accordingly.  The man’s role is to accept this authority and strive to gain benefit from it.

Verbal Punishment

Spanking without accompanying verbal reinforcement is like “shave and a haircut”  without the “two bits”. It’s like peanut butter without jelly, Batman without Robin, The Wizard without Oz. You get my point.

 

If you are not yet comfortable giving a scolding, before, during or after a spanking, relax. I will help you to understand all about it and to develop a set of skills, that will encourage repentance in your Bad Boy.

 

I have scolded, lectured, and spanked the daylights out of many Bad Boys over the past several years, and I want to share what I have learned with you. I have put a lot of information in this booklet. Don’t let all that information make you think that “this is too complicated” or “there is too much to try to do”.

 

I want you to read, enjoy, and just pick up what you find useful. But, do re-read this booklet from time to time. You will find valuable tips and ideas that make sense to you later, as you get more experienced with these techniques.

 

I like to start with some definitions, to make sure we agree all “talking the same language.”

 

Definitions

Scolding

To find fault noisily or angrily. Implies censure on definite and justifiable grounds. Censure severely or angrily. (Censure means the act of blaming or condemning sternly).

Lecture

To reprove formally. (Reprove means to express disapproval).

Reprimand

To reprove sharply or censure formally; from a position of authority

 

For me, scolding is implied when I am treating someone like a bad boy, like they are childish. I use lecture and reprimand when I am delivering punishment in an adult to adult mode.  I will get into some of the nuances of this later. But, basically, I just have a good time with it and mix and match them as the feelings come. I encourage you to do the same. So please don’t worry about the differences. Just use any or all of it as a way to release your verbal energy.

 

I will go into details about how the difference in delivering Scolding and Lecture toward the end of the booklet.

 Preparation

The single biggest confidence builder for the woman who wants to improve her verbal punishment skills is to know all about the behavior or circumstance she is correcting. It is important that you think each situation through, to the point of making notes if you don’t think you will remember the details.

Always be Observant

Your success begins with the cultivation of your skills of observation. The more you are aware of what your husband is doing, the less likely it is that you will find yourself losing control. As a DWC wife you are absolutely entitled to ask your husband about anything you want to know and to expect an honest answer.

Sure you may get resistance, just like from any bad boy who doesn’t want to tell. But, he has asked for a DWC relationship, he really wants one, and deep down inside he does want to tell you everything.

If you have had the responsibility for supervising or raising children at any time, you will recall that it took extra alertness to always be aware of where they were and what they were doing. If you haven’t had that kind of experience don’t worry about it.  Just go along with me now and you will get the idea anyway.

DWC husbands, like children, have a built-in need to test the authority figures in the home. They may not do it consciously, but they do it. And like children, they think that they want to bluster and force their will on the authority but in reality they feel safer and happier if they know there are boundaries.

Always remember this vital point. In a DWC relationship you both have agreed that the DWC wife owns the “stronger role” and that the man cannot, ever, use his superior strength to coerce the woman or to prevent her from administering discipline. He must always submit to her discipline, even if he thinks she is wrong.

Guess what? Bad boys have always resented getting their comeuppance, it doesn’t change. Except for the fact that in the DWC relationship, the man always thanks his wife for his discipline. It is a courtesy and etiquette of the DWC.

Before beginning a scolding or lecture it is very helpful to know exactly what happened. I mean the details. If you are present when the problem or offense occurs, try to focus your attention clearly. What exactly is being said and done? If you can remember a few key phrases spoken or actions taken, exactly as they happened, you have a fantastic source for the verbal part of the punishment.

 

Example

 

Wife asking husband: “When we were at Martha and Sam’s house, I heard you say, ‘oh, just ignore Kay. She always complains about the cold. She’ll be fine.’ didn’t I?”

Husband: “Oh, I didn’t think you were actually cold, I didn’t want to inconvenience them”.

Wife: “It was 66 degrees in that house and I was very cold. I wore my nice sheer pants outfit, which you seemed to enjoy. And what do you mean inconvenience them?”

Husband: “Well, it WAS their house and I didn’t think they were cold”.

Wife: “So you said, ‘Ignore Kay.’ Isn’t that right?”

Husband: (now getting a little worried) “ I don’t think I said, ‘ignore Kay.’ I was just saying that they didn’t need to warm things up”.

Wife: “Oh, I see!  Well, it was 66 degrees in there, and it was totally insulting and rude and obnoxious for you to say ‘Ignore Kay’.

Husband: “But I was…..”

Wife: “Butt is right Mister Smart Mouth. Now let’s just see if you can ‘Ignore Kay” while I make your butt nice and warm. I’ll be sure to not inconvenience you or let you get too cold”.

Husband: “Wait, hold on, I don’t think that…..”

Wife: “That’s right, you don’t think! But I am going to educate you on how to think better. Now get in that bedroom and bring the Hairbrush and the Strap!”.

Notice how she brought in facts and details. This technique takes the wind out of his argument and rebuttal, because he knows he is in the wrong, he knows he has been caught. Her observations were precise, she was tuned in to her environment, and she realized what was going on at the friend’s house.  She mentioned the following details:

 

v The exact temperature of the house

v His exact words

v That she wore something sheer, FOR HIM

v His remarks were insulting and rude

 

She also kept her composure and remained alert and aware during the pre-spanking discussion, which provided her with plenty of extra ammunition.

 

v He said he didn’t want to “inconvenience” the friends

v When he said “But” she grabbed that word and changed it into “Butt”

v When he said “I don’t think”, she cut him off and agreed, “That’s right, you don’t think”

v Finally she went back to the main point and taunted him. “Now let’s just see if you can ‘Ignore Kay’ while I make your butt nice and warm”.

 

You can see from the example above how being alert and composed gives you all the advantage. Once you get the hang of it, you will find it as easy as taking candy from a baby. Just about every time they open their mouths when they are in trouble they supply you with more fuel for your “burn”.

When punishment is merited for failure to keep an agreement or breaking a house rule, clarity and details before hand will again be your great ally.

When an agreement is made between you and your husband, it is essential that you use tools of communication to ensure that you both have the same understanding about the agreement. You will see this plainly in the definitions below.

Agreement

 

Definition – An arrangement as to a course of action. A contract duly executed and legally binding.

You must discuss the details of your arrangements and confirm that they are understood, before you have an “enforceable” situation. If you have done this well, Hubby will have very little wiggle room to deny or excuse his failure to keep the agreement. (He will do his wiggling over your knee instead).

Clarity places you in the position of being unshakable in your resolution to administer discipline. When you are totally confident that you have been fair with, it will be impossible for him to deter you.

I mention again, that he may or may not feel that it is fair at the time, and likely will disagree with your decision to take action. What is important at that moment is that you know how contentious you were when the agreement was made and therefore your wisdom will be sound.

 

In the Lifestyle Kit I provide a Contract form and specific set of instructions on how to use it. I will not try to reproduce all of the instructions on how to identify the contents of a Contract here. But, what it calls for, in essence, is filling in the blanks to the items: Who, What, When, Where and How. The focus of the agreement is his behavior.

Who - Specifies the parties involved. It may be the husband and wife, or it may involve husband and children, or co-worker or neighbor etc.

What - Specifies the observable behavior being agreed to. It brings abstract complaints into a recognizable form

When - Provides time boundaries.

Where - Specifies the physical location or locations.

How - States the way in which the “What” will be carried out. It fills in the color or flavor that needs to accompany the “What”.

 

CONTRACT Example

 

Barry will inform Deborah, at least 7 days in advance, when he wishes to invite his friends for a sports afternoon at their home. Barry will ask in a polite and considerate manner and not argue or complain if his preferred afternoon is not convenient for her.

 

Who – Barry will inform Deborah

 

What - ….will inform Deborah….. when he wishes to invite his friends for a sports afternoon at their home.

When - …at least 7 days in advance…

Where – at their home

How -  ….in a polite and considerate manner and not argue or complain

If both parties demonstrate that they can recall the details of their agreements, and there are no frustrating arguments later about exactly who agreed to what, these things can be done orally. However, at the first sign of confusion or misunderstanding about what were the terms, I advise that you immediately institute writing as the method of solidifying agreements.

 

 

 

SCENARIO #1

 

Deborah: “Barry, let’s go downtown today. The weather is beautiful and there is an arts and crafts fair I have been looking forward to”.

 

Barry: “Oh. I would like to go, but I asked Lester and Bob over to watch the football finals”

 

Deborah: “What! We talked about your inviting people over without telling me and we decided that we would plan these things out so this kind of thing wouldn’t happen”

 

Barry: “That’s not the way I remember it. You said you didn’t really mind when I have the boys over and you wanted to plan things for you and I to do as well”.

 

Deborah: “Barry, we both agreed that you would let me know, a week in advance for that, so I could either let you know if I had something in mind for that day or plan something else”.

 

Barry: “I thought that you meant that it would be preferable if it worked out that I knew a week in advance if we were having a sports afternoon, but not that I was supposed to do it every time”

 

Deborah: “Listen! I remember it very clearly because I had just finished reading Aunt Kay’s book about this stuff and I know what was said.”

 

Barry: “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember it that way.”

 

Deborah: “Now I am really getting mad. I don’t know what you really remember, but you can march yourself upstairs right now and I will give you a memory lesson with my hairbrush.”

 

Barry: “Yes Ma’am. “

 

In this scenario Barry probably feels resentful, thinking that she is being selfish and unfair. As a good DWC husband he does not complain, but too many incidents like this could undermine his sense of trust in her wisdom and fairness. Bottom line is - if he doesn’t like it, it’s too bad.  However, it is better if he truly feels the punishment he receives is warranted.

 

SCENARIO # 2

 

Deborah: “Barry, let’s go downtown today. The weather is beautiful and there is an arts and crafts fair I have been looking forward to”.

 

Barry: “Oh. I would like to go, but I asked Lester and Bob over to watch the football finals.”

 

Deborah: “What! We talked about your inviting people over without telling me and we decided that we would plan these things out so this kind of thing wouldn’t happen.”

 

Barry: “That’s not the way I remember it. You said you didn’t really mind when I have the boys over and you wanted to plan things for you and I to do as well”.

 

Deborah: “Well, it’s a good thing we made those notes about our agreement. I’ll go and get them so we can look at them again”.

 

Barry: “Oh. You still have those notes?”

 

Deborah: “Sure Honey. I save our written agreements so we don’t get all mixed up about them.”

 

Barry: “Ah, well, you don’t have to get the notes. I guess I do remember what we said. I should have discussed the sports afternoon with you first.”

 

Deborah: “But you chose to bypass our agreement for some reason, didn’t you?”

 

Barry: “I don’t know what to say. I just kind of got caught up with them and next thing I knew we had set up the afternoon.”

 

Deborah: “And when was this set up with them?”

 

Barry: “Only about 3 days ago.”

 

Deborah: “Barry, you still could have told me what was going on. You know I am flexible and it probably would not really have been a problem.”

 

Barry: “I guess that’s right. But …..

 

Deborah: “Didn’t we spend time making a very clear, specific agreement, like Aunt Kay recommended?”

 

Barry: “Well, sure. I know we did write it down. I remember that.”

 

Deborah: “Yes, I’m sure you do remember it. But you just said a minute ago that you didn’t remember it. Isn’t that right? Or have you forgotten saying that as well?”

 

Barry: “I said I didn’t remember it because I didn’t know what else to say.”

 

Deborah: “Well, I know exactly what to say. And here is what it is. You can march yourself right upstairs, RIGHT NOW. You are going to get a session for breaking our agreement.  And, because you lied by saying you didn’t remember, you will get the cane as well as my hairbrush.”

 

Barry: “Yes ma’am. May I still have Lester and Bob over for the afternoon?”

 

Deborah: “We will discuss that after your session. Now don’t make me wait one minute!”

 

In this scenario there is no ambiguity, not even a slight degree of uncertainty on Deborah’s part about Barry’s motives and behavior. She will have the opportunity to correct him about keeping agreements and to add an important reinforcement about telling her the truth. He knows for sure she is completely right and can take comfort in his pain because through it all his confidence in her judgment grows.

 

Note: Does Barry still get to spend the afternoon with his friends? Maybe. If overall he has been a cooperative and considerate DWC husband, I might let him have his little event. He would be ever so grateful at that point. If he has been difficult recently, and we seem to be in the midst of one of those periods where I need to exert a lot of authority to bring him back into line, he would lose the afternoon with his friends.

 

House rules work more or less in the same way. If you are working ‘against the tide’, trying to change a stubborn bad habit, with some rules, you would probably want to specify ahead of time what  ‘increasing punishments for failure to comply’ would involve.

 

These are circumstances that challenge you to use your creativity. These are the kind of circumstances I referred to when I said, “Think about it. If all there was to it was to keep increasing the physical punishment, where would it end? Not in a loving, mutually respectful DWC relationship, that’s for sure.” Actually I think you will come to enjoy the mental challenge of these circumstances.

 

EXAMPLE

Your agreement could look something like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you have clear agreement and your partner violates it, there is really very little he can say to avoid punishment. In those circumstances, it is usually more an adult to adult situation so the verbal portion of the punishment will be Lecture and Reprimand.

 

Of course, having observed the whole event, you will know if you are operating on an adult to adult basis or if he has moved into a “child” space and is challenging your maternal side. If his behavior has been immature, irresponsible, or otherwise clearly childish, the verbal portion of the punishment should be Scolding.  Let’s spend a few minutes on the difference between these modes.

 

Adult to Adult   In the Adult to Adult mode: Your partner will acknowledge what they have done wrong and say that they realize that you will have to punish them for it. Adults take responsibility, even if they are going to be spanked by their wife. Does this mean they receive any less strict spanking or punishment? Not really. It only means that you know best how to structure the punishment experience.

 

Adult to “Child”  In the Adult to “Child” mode: Your partner will seem more like a child who has been caught at something and will try to deny and avoid their punishment. In this situation, part of your discipline will be to make sure that they do accept and acknowledge their responsibility by the time the punishment is completed. For the child-oriented punishment you will use Scolding and structure the punishment accordingly.

 

I have created a set of steps to help you build your skills and gain comfort in adding lecture and scolding to your punishment sessions. Use the steps to help you practice and learn.  Eventually you will “get the feel” of this and you won’t need to follow steps. It will come more and more naturally to you. I assure you that when you are “there” your own style and method will be better for your own home than anything I could offer.

 

Method for Delivering Punishment with Verbal Component

 

1.    Tell Him Why He Is Going To Be Spanked

2.    Make Him Explain To You Why He Will Be Spanked

3.    Ask Him Questions So He Has To Participate

4.    Stay In Control Of The Eye Contact

5.    Use A Power Voice

6.    Use Lecture and Scolding Throughout The Entire Session

7.    Release Your Feelings

8.    Be Sure That He Got The Right Message From The Session

9.    Give Additional Penance If You Feel It’s Needed

10.  End The Session With Love and Affection

 

Whether is Adult to Adult or Adult to “Child”, you will need to follow certain fundamental principles. These 9 steps are set forth to ensure that you remain in control and that you are focusing his attention on why he is being punished.

 

It is vital that you do not let your husband drift away from the reasons for his punishment. It you are delivering a disciplinary session, it is to correct behavior, and he must remain acutely aware of the wrong behavior that caused his predicament. These principles will be the core of your delivery.

 

1.    Tell Him Why He Is Going To Be Spanked

 

Before any action is taken, verbalize the reason for his punishment. You should feel some passion and determination about how bad his behavior was and, right from the beginning, he will know you are committed to carrying out sound discipline. Since you will have prepared yourself with the details it is just a matter of putting it into your own words.

 

This first step is like an “opening event”. It does as much to put you in the proper frame of mind as it does to get his attention focused.

 

If it is Adult-Adult oriented it could be something like; “You and I agreed that you would not be rude to my family again and that if you were you were going to get a session from me”.

 

If it is Adult-Child oriented which might sound like; “You have been a real brat talking to my family like that. Now you are going to get what a little brat like you really needs”.

 

2.    Make Him Explain To You Why He Will Be Spanked

 

Make sure that he acknowledges what you said was the reason for his punishment. Even though you are the one administering the punishment, don’t let him go through it passively, it without contributing his own verbal inputs. Ask him questions and demand an answer.

 

3.    Ask Him Questions So He Has To Participate

 

Use questions he can answer with a “yes” or “no” and questions that require that he speak in more detail, but don’t allow him to drag you into a lengthy argument.

 

Discipline is far more effective if he participates in the session and is not allowed to take a passive role. Participation means he must actively engage his mind and think about why this is about to happen.

 

If you have a lot to say and are delivering a tongue lashing, you don’t want an interruption. In that case you would ask him very simple “yes’ and “no” type questions, such as; “You know you were wrong this time, don’t you?”  “Didn’t I say I would be waiting outside the building for you at 3:00?”

 

If you want to make him work his brain harder, demand that he give you an answer that requires thinking. This can be quite difficult for him, since he is trying to think and talk while you are blistering his bottom. You might say “ Now, tell me what you are going to do differently in the future, young man!” Or “ I want to hear you tell me why you are getting this spanking. What are the reasons?”

 

4.    Stay In Control Of The Eye Contact

 

Control the eye contact with your partner. You can position yourself closer than usual to his face and look deeply, confidently, into his eyes. But, don’t let him glare or try to stare defiantly at you. If you see him doing that, call it out immediately and command him not to look at you in that manner. “Don’t you dare look at me like that.” “Are you giving me a dirty look Mister?”

 

Also,  maintain a physical position where he must look upwards into you eyes when ever possible.

 

 

5.    Use A Power Voice

 

Put “power” into your voice. You can raise your voice, you can shout, or you can maintain a conversational level. What ever you feel is right for you at the time is perfectly fine, but keep the “intensity level” strong. Pull your words from deep in your belly and they will carry an indomitable, solid vibration.

 

Here is a bit of advice you can use, now and then, during your normal day. Notice where your voice is originating from as you speak with people. Try to move the origin of your voice to your belly. It is a subtle difference and no one will really notice it in normal conversation, except for you.

 

Of course there are whole programs for voice training, but if you just try, you will get a sense of where your voice starts. For many people it is in the throat area most of the time. Experiment with what it might feel like for your voice to originate lower, in your abdomen. It feels really nice when you do this and it raises your “command” level.

 

6.    Use Lecture and Scolding Throughout The Entire Session

 

Use plenty of verbal punishment during the actual spanking. Remind him emphatically and specifically why he is being punished. Insist that he give satisfactory replies to all of your inquiries during the spanking. If you are not satisfied with the quality of his replies, well look where he is. Just keep applying the “heat to the seat” until he gets it right.

 

During the administration of a spanking, your words will have the greatest impact on his behavior. All the steps are important, but while he is desperately trying to endure his richly deserved whipping he will be most receptive to your instructions. If you make intelligent use of this time you will maximize the behavior changes. Of course, if you don’t feel like talking for any period during the session, relax, stay with your comfort level.  But do try to get back to it.

 

7.    Release Your Feelings

 

Verbalize your emotional state  as well as the facts. Let him know if you are angry, hurt, frustrated, or what ever it is. Acknowledging your own emotional state during a discipline session adds a great deal of reality to the experience for both of you. It also provides you with extra “fuel” so you can deliver a vigorous spanking and experience a offers you a nice emotional release

 

If his actions caused you any personal unhappiness this is the time to really emphasize that. You should deliver these statements both while you are spanking and during pauses in the spanking, when he knows more is still coming. You may have a comment like this, “I was scared standing on that street corner waiting for you. How do you think I felt with strange men walking by and looking at me while I stood on that corner for 45 minutes.”

 

You can, if you like, punctuate your strokes with one word said together with each swat. “Do” Swat, “you” Swat, “Think” Swat, “I” Swat, “Had” Swat. “Fun” Swat. “Waiting” Swat, “Out” Swat, “There?” Swat.

 

Try to keep the dialogue going, off and on, throughout the session. And please, don’t worry about saying something silly, or not saying something just right. It’s all your party. You can repeat anything you wish as many times as you wish. He may not like it, but no one gets bored, or feels much like a theater critic, while their bottom is being whipped. You will find that this is really enjoyable once you become used to it.

 

Personally, I experience so much release of tension and anger during a spanking that I can’t imagine how I ever lived without this wonderful way to express myself.

 

This is a point I can’t emphasize enough. As I said in point 5, “It’s all your party”. It’s a roller coaster ride and he is ‘buckled in’ until you say the ride is over. I want you to experience the wonderful release of verbalizing that anger while you are giving that bad boy the licking he needs.

 

I know that at times I have been so mad that I was almost in tears as my anger welled up. But, what a glorious experience it was because he was the one who caused it and there he was over my knee, right where he belonged. And he was the one who ended up shedding the tears.

 

The first time you release your own pent-up emotions during a discipline session you will experience the wonder of it all. The sense inside that you are not holding on to anything, you have done what was needed and you are both “clean” with each other again. This is what you strive for.

 

8.    Be Sure That He Got The Right Message From The Session

 

Recap the whole event to make sure the lesson has been learned. Ask him many questions and listen to see if his answers show that he understands and is truly repentant. Find out if he has any plans to make up for what was done wrong. Ask what he thinks will happen if the same problem comes up again.

 

Whether it is a short comment or a more lengthy heart to heart discussion, the Recap is important. During this you ask a lot of questions.

 

v “Tell me why you had to have that session just now.”

v “Do you think you can avoid another incident like this?”

v “How will you do things differently next time.”

v ” Do you have anything you would like to say to me right now?”

 

9.    Give Additional Penance If You Feel It’s Needed

 

Order any additional punishment or penance you feel is necessary.  A good spanking teaches a good lesson. If you feel he needs to take additional action to properly make restitution for his errors tell him what you are assigning him to do. Make sure he understands that failure to fully comply with your orders will be taken very seriously.

 

If you think about what you are dealing with before the session begins, you will know if he needs to take some kind of follow-up action to make things right or to ensure that he fully learns a lesson. If he was late picking you up from work, you might insist that for the next week he come early, park the car, and be waiting in the lobby. By going through all of the extra inconvenience he will be more likely to remember not to be late again.

 

If something was ruined due to his negligence, he could fix it or use the money he was saving for his new fishing rod to replace it. Spanking made a point and having to start saving all over again for his fishing rod also made a point.

 

10.  End The Session With Love and Affection

 

Share in a hug or other form of intimacy and forgiveness. The discipline is over and you can enjoy the closeness that results from the release of so much emotion. We always punish them because we love them.

 

I advocate that there should always be some affectionate contact after a session. There are some pretty fixed opinions out there about whether or not sex should be an option at this time. I firmly believe that this is entirely your choice and preference and that you can do no wrong either way. This is totally a private matter in my mind.

 

Delivery of Lecture and Reprimand

 

Lecture - To reprove formally. ( Reprove means to express disapproval).

 

Reprimand - To reprove sharply or censure formally; from a position of authority

 

As I discussed earlier, this form of verbal punishment is done in an “Adult to Adult” manner. That basically means operating from a logical point of view and with the understanding that he accepts the “rightness” of his punishment.

 

The frame of mind is “you did wrong, you know what to expect, and now it is payback time.” These are the sessions where he has prepared himself, is cooperatively assuming and holding the punishment positions, and you are able to give a kind of “formal-style” explanation while the session is underway.

 

Here are some characteristics of Lecture/Reprimand verbal punishment.

 

 

v There is a “matter of fact quality”

v You are in a stern, business-like frame of mind

v Your anger and passion is “controlled and focused”

v Your statements have an adult flavor to them

 

LECTURE/REPRIMAND SCENARIO

 

Please look back at Scenario #2 on Page 12 of this booklet to see the first part of this following scenario, the dialogue that occurred before the session. The following is the dialogue that occurs during the session.

 

We will pick it up from the last statement Deborah made.

 

Deborah: “Well, I know exactly what to say. And here is what it is. You can march yourself right upstairs, RIGHT NOW. You are going to get a session for breaking our agreement.  And, because you lied by saying you didn’t remember, you will get the cane as well as my hairbrush.”

 

Barry: “Yes ma’am. May I still have Lester and Bob over for the afternoon?”

 

Deborah: “We will discuss that after your session. Now don’t make me wait one minute!”

 

Þ   They are now located upstairs in Deborah’s office.  The “special chair” is set out and Deborah is seated on it, with the hairbrush in her lap. Barry is standing in front of her.

 

Deborah: “Remove those trousers and get over my knee, Mister. You obviously need some help keeping your agreements. Right?”

 

Barry: “Well, yes Dear you are right”

 

Þ   Barry is now across Deborah’s knees and she has begun spanking with the hairbrush.

 

Deborah: “There now. This will help you remember your agreements next time. This is such a nice reminder, isn’t it?”

 

Barry: “Ow, Ow, Ow Yes It is a good reminder.”

 

Deborah: “Of course it’s a good reminder. Now, why are you getting this spanking Mister Barry? Tell me!”

 

Barry: “Ow, Ouch Because I forgot to Ouch, Ouch, ask you about the boys coming” Ooh Ow.

 

Deborah: “And what was our agreement? What were you supposed to have done?”

 

Barry: “Ouch, Ow, Oh, Ow That I would ask you before, Ouch, bringing friends over”

 

Þ   Deborah now starts spanking faster and harder.

 

Deborah: “Is that all Barry? Are you forgetting anything? Any details?

 

Barry: “OW, OUCH, OW, OW OW I was supposed to let you know 7 days ahead. OW, OW”

 

Deborah: “That’s right. And what else?”

 

Barry: “I don’t know”

 

Þ   Deborah adds a few still harder swats, but knowing that he is “lost in the spanking” gives him a little hint to help him get the right answer.

 

Deborah: “Try to do better. You know how you were supposed to act, don’t you?”

 

Barry: “OW!!, OOH!!, OW!!,  Yes. I am not supposed to complain or argue”

 

Deborah: “All right. That’s good Barry. Now do you think I will have to discipline you for this problem again?”

 

Barry: “OW!!, No Ma’am, I am sorry. I was wrong. It won’t happen again”

 

Þ  Deborah ends the hairbrush spanking and gently rubs on his back.

 

Deborah: “I know you will do better. You don’t want to have to deal with another session for the same thing with me do you?”

 

Barry: “Oh no. It won’t happen again. I am sure

 

Deborah: “That’s good Sweetheart. And we would be done if you had not lied to me before, saying you forgot when you really didn’t forget at all.”

 

Barry:  (Quite upset)  “Um. I am sorry about that. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again. I am sorry about it.”

 

Deborah: “Yes, I know you are sorry. But, lying is unforgivable and you have must be punished for that too. I won’t tolerate lying, at all! Now you can have a few minutes and be back here in exactly 5 minutes and be ready to get the cane.”

 

Scolding - To find fault noisily or angrily. Implies censure on definite and justifiable grounds. Censure severely or angrily. (Censure means the act of blaming or condemning sternly).

 

Delivery of Scolding

 

Scolding - To find fault noisily or angrily. Implies censure on definite and justifiable grounds. Censure severely or angrily. (Censure means the act of blaming or condemning sternly).

 

 

As I discussed earlier, this form of verbal punishment is done in an “Adult to Child” manner. That basically means operating from a point of view of the angry, outraged “Parent or Auntie”. In this case you are dealing with some kind of “resistance or denial”.

 

The frame of mind is “you have been behaving like an inconsiderate little brat and you are going to get a hot licking for it.” These are the sessions where you take him into the bedroom by the ear, or are ordering him to “get in there right now.”

 

Here are some characteristics of Scolding verbal punishment.

 

v There is a high degree of “outrage”

v You are probably going to stop and re-start the session several times

v Your anger is flowing

v You are continually reminding him about being irresponsible, selfish, childish etc.

 

Scolding SCENARIO

 

Þ   Jan and Scott are saying goodbye to the last of some friends who were over for a party. Scott, had been getting carried away at the party and made a few jokes that were basically insulting and at Jan’s expense. He continued this even after she warned him.

 

The door closes and the lock clicks. Jan turns to Scott, and with eyes narrowed moves close to his face.

 

Jan: “Who the hell do you think you are to make a joke out of me with our friends?”

 

Scott: “ What? I don’t even know,,,,,,,,,”

 

Þ   Jan grabs his ear firmly and push/pulls him down the hall.

 

Jan: “I’m not interested in your bullshit. Now move and get in there or do you want to see if I can get even angrier?”

 

Jan: “I don’t know who you think you are, but you’re going to get what you have been asking for all night right now?”

 

Þ   Already has a paddle in her hand and is using a raised voice. She is jerking on his belt and physically moving him around.

 

Jan: “I want those trousers off, NOW! (Swatting over the pants; not waiting at all)

 

Scott: “ Hold on. Wait a minute. Can I say something?”

 

Jan: “If I have to tell you again you will be SO sorry.”

 

Þ   Scott removes his pants and lays across the bed where Jan indicated.

      Jan begins spanking hard, quickly and ignoring his pain and shock.

 

Jan: “Don’t you ever use me to make fun of again. How dare you? You little brat!”

 

Scott: “OW, Ouch that hurts, Stop!, Wait! I was only joking. How can you say that? I said……”

 

Jan: “Don’t you ever use me to make fun of again. How dare you? You little brat!”

 

Þ   The spanking with the paddle continues fast and hard and Scott is breathless.

 

Jan: “How could you? Do you know you embarrassed me in front of everyone? DO YOU?”

 

Scott: “OOH OW, OW, OW. Yes. I guess I did. Sorry”

 

Jan: “You think you’re sorry now? You will really be sorry when I’m through with you; Mr. Big Shot at the party”

 

Þ   Jan has now stopped paddling him and gone to get the heavy strap from the other room. She returns, still steaming mad.

 

Jan: “Just stay there on the bed and keep quiet. You are going to get the strap now. And good. I’m going to be sure that you never, ever act that way again”

 

Þ   This session will continue for quite a while and with more implements used. Scott will end up in tears and very, very repentant.

 

 

Note: Of course these examples are short for the purpose off this booklet.  You will take just as long as you wish with any session you give and use these ideas where and when they feel right for you.

 

 

 

Some last suggestions

 

Writing your thoughts and feelings

 

If you feel like you need help getting in touch with what you would say during an actual session, try writing out some of those thoughts and feelings that you typically don’t say out loud.

 

You know there are things that you may wish you could say, but it doesn’t seem proper. Or even more, if you look deep down inside, you may find there are some things you have been denying from yourself. I want you to try to find those feelings, if you can, and let them out. At least on paper.

 

Verbalizing your thoughts and feelings

 

Once you have written some of your feelings a few good things will happen. One is that you will have begun a process of getting in touch with your inner self and it will continue to get better.

 

The other is that you will know what you want to say and have something you can refer to as a practice exercise.

 

I know this will feel silly, but trust me on this. I want you to find a time and place that you can say the things you have written down (and other thoughts that come up while you are doing it) OUT LOUD.

 

Say them several times and try to increase the emotion and intensity each time. Do this practice several times. Don’t judge yourself on how well you do or don’t do it. Really. It’s a no-judgment exercise. The only criteria is that you do it a few times.

 

After a few of these “private practice sessions” I can almost guarantee that the next session you give your “Bad Boy will shock him.

 

Finally

 

Being a DWC wife who uses scolding and lecture can be liberating and empowering. I dearly want to help you find the power and freedom which is rightfully yours. Using verbal punishment will make the discipline experience more satisfying and effective for both of you.