DWC Companion's Guide

 

The Companion Guide

Notice

Nothing in these handbooks is in any way intended to suggest, advise, recommend or in any other way influence toward the spanking of children.  We are adamantly opposed to any form of abuse or exploitation of children.  It is my expectation that decent people will inform the authorities if they discover instances of child abuse or pedophilia. This handbook and all DWC material are designated as Adult material and should be maintained as private resources for use by consenting adults only.

 

Introduction

Who Should Read This Companions Guide? 

This Companion Guide has been created especially for the man in the Disciplinary Wives relationship and the writing is addressed to him throughout.  It will have the most value if it is read by him first, privately. After digesting this information he can make a decision whether he prefers to keep it as his own personal resource or make it available to his partner.  

The DWC Companion Guide is written for the man, and it supports the DWC Handbook (the woman’s version) completely.  I offer complimentary advice to what is in that booklet, and the man reads this one first and makes a decision about whether it will be more valuable private or shared.

The Companion Guide is built from the DWC Handbook and is quite similar to it.  If you read the Handbook you will recognize many of the same anecdotes and quotes.  That is because it was never my intention to write an entirely different booklet.  This Guide should be sufficient to orient you to your role in the DWC relationship.

 

What is a DWC relationship?

Before proceeding in this Companion Guide, I think we should be clear about what I mean, and what I do not mean, by a DWC relationship. The definition of a DWC relationship is that the woman’s role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the man and invests in her the absolute authority to decide upon and wield punishments accordingly.  The man’s role is to accept this authority and strive to gain benefit from it.  You will be reminded about this definition throughout this Companion Guide. I know of thousands of couples who live this lifestyle and are happier, more devoted to one another and better off for it.  I would have it no other way in my home!

The authority and punishment aspects of the DWC home are the most “sensational”, but, they are not the entire story.  The DWC is grounded in a philosophy of love, generosity and indeed making the world a better place for everyone.  Above all it strives to increase the amount and quality of communication you share with your wife.  For your own reference I would ask you to notice if, over time, you are sharing more personally and deeply about your feelings with your wife.  This is a desired outcome of the DWC lifestyle. Try your best to accomplish this.

Love comes first. Only with a loving relationship can you have loving discipline. Discipline should be administered because it will provide benefit to both parties. I will talk about this more later, but for now be aware that no matter how angry your wife becomes she will always be coming from a place of love for you.

Look at the following examples from real people to see how the aspect of love is key to their DWC relationship.

 “I set up a "JOB BOX" (actually this was partly my husband’s idea) in which I placed 3X5 cards with various chores and suggestions in it. Included in this "Job Box" are regular chores such as vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen floor and some yard work. (If he doesn't do his regular chores, I know I will have to discipline him.) I also included some general recreational things, but made sure that they would be things that were constructive, such as working on one of his models.  All, in all, we are both pleased with the way things are going. I have a husband who is attentive to my every need, even more than before, and we are both happier than we have been in a long time.  Sincerely, T”

“This morning (Sunday) I woke my wife up before she wanted to, because I wasn't patient enough to wait when I wanted to go wash the vehicles. Later in the morning, she came out of the bathroom after hearing the front door close and asked nonchalantly if the kids were outside. I told her they were. "Right," she said, stalking over to her dresser where we keep the hairbrush out at all times, " come here, drop your pants and your underwear and put your hands on the bed!" I did this. She gave me about forty hard spanks on the bottom, telling me in rhythm with the strikes not to ever wake her up early again. My butt is pink and sore, and I simply love my wife to pieces.  From, LV”

 

“My compliments on your wonderful web-site. My husband and I have been adherents of maternal discipline for the last eight of our nine year marriage. I'm convinced that the clear and uncompromising roles this type of relationship provides us has strengthened our bond. It's wonderful to know we're not alone, and that others have come to know the "special love" and trust that comes from regular maternal spankings. ……... Thanks again!!--S”

“Wow! I thought I was the only husband in the world who got spanked by his wife. I charged two of her credit cards to the limit last year and didn’t tell her. To make a really long story short, she found out while trying to make surprise vacation arrangements for us and couldn't use the cards. She was so angry when she got home and made me go over her knee for the hardest spanking I ever got in my life. Our relationship took a sharp turn after that, I have never loved her more, and I don’t use the credit cards for anything.  From, S”

 “I have been learning a lot about discipline and I really do believe it is helping my marriage. My husband and I are becoming much closer now. Discipline is needed in a marriage as I have found out the hard way. From, J”

I know that I still have a lot more learning and understanding of discipline in a marriage, but in time I know I will get better at it and understand it better. With this type of discipline that I have now began in my home, I believe that it well help with my marriage to my wonderful husband (M). I hope that if there is any other marriage out there about to fall apart because of this same miscommunication, I encourage you to take the time to understand it a little better like I did. I feel much better and I know that M does too.  From, J”

 

Generosity.  Your wife’s willingness to accept the role of disciplinarian requires her to put thought, energy and time into meeting a very important need of yours.  Most often it is the man, you, who brings up this subject and persists in trying to make it a reality in your relationship. Filling this role is not always easy for the woman.

For some it is an easy or natural thing to do and for others it requires really stretching their concept of a relationship.  (Most women grew up with a false model which makes any man in the family the authority, regardless of whether he was deserving of it or not).

Your wife’s undertaking of this role is an immense gift to you and therefore an act of significant generosity.  In case this is not obvious to you I will point out that her efforts must be recognized and appreciated by you.  It is natural to respond by developing more generosity toward your wife because her undertaking your discipline does bring you both much closer.

“Boy am I glad my wife found out about the DWC.  I am a changed man now. Just think, I no longer smoke, I help out with the housework, do my chores without complaining and I even put the seat down now every time.  Oh yes, I am much more considerate of her now and attend to her needs.  Thank you again for starting The DWC.  Signed, L’s Husband.”

 

“..My wife now understands my desires and that I am not all that strange and had done an effective job on my bottom.  It is taking effort to sit here and type this, in exchange she has gotten things done around the house she could have only dreamed of as well as a more affectionate husband.  Thank you (I think) for your site. It may be able to change my life!   Signed, J”

The World a Better Place.  I know this sounds kind of grandiose but let me share a core belief of mine with you. The DWC philosophy is rooted in a sincere belief that women must step up to the responsibility of providing the moral tone and discipline for the men in their lives. After 6,000 years of men basically running this planet, we are in such an unbelievable mess that it is undeniable that your way of "ruling" is an overall failure.

Women come from a feminine place of intrinsic wisdom and nurturance. In fact we do "know what's good for men", far more often than not. Would a world with women holding the power countenance war, starvation, neglect of children and business practices that wreak havoc on third world countries? I don't think so.

You may find this kind of thinking radical, but you had best get prepared for a lot of changes in your life if you commit to a DWC lifestyle.  Once you have given the authority to your wife, where it belongs, you may  not take it back when you find it convenient.

“……..  My husband said he realized how much smoother things went when the women were there and in charge. Things got done on time, and if there was a problem, they would check into it and would come back quickly with the answer. Of course things run more smoothly when women are in charge. They know how to set priorities and aren’t afraid of asserting themselves when it is needed - instead of posturing and blustering. Signed, T”

 

“It’s a comfort to know there are so many other people out there who really feel that women in general are the superior and dominant species. My wife rules our home and there is never a question of her authority for any reason. I do all the chores and must obtain her full permission if I want to go anywhere with my friends. She is a firm believer in doling out a severe spanking to me if I violate any of her rules. I really love her and wouldn’t change a thing - even if I could.  I would bet the divorce rate and many other problems of our society would change if more women assumed their rightful place as the true leaders of our society. Thank you, K”

“I have little doubt that many couples are now realizing that when the wife is in control the husband tends to be much happier and their is more harmony in the home. We have a lot of friends and can tell you there are more couples than you may think that are either embracing this lifestyle or are now changing to adapt this beautiful way of life into their own marriages. My husband and I are really out in the open about our roles, we would like to know if this trend is going on across the country and around the world. I saw the dramatic change in my husband after he got his first serious spanking from me. There is no substitute for strict discipline from a loving wife, and I think many guys are finally beginning to admit it. All it takes is a lot of love and communication. Thank you so much Aunt Kay for this site. Signed, D”

 

How and why does a couple become involved in a DWC lifestyle?

There are probably as many answers as there are couples, but I have enough experience that I can share with you what are some of the most common answers.  I begin with this so that you will recognize that you are neither “weird” nor alone.

Sometimes people who have an interest in this lifestyle meet and come together with a reasonable idea of what to expect.  This usually happens when both the woman and the man already have enough of an interest in Maternal Discipline relationships that they seek one another out through publications, clubs or other places for people with this common interest.

Most of the time the man in the relationship is the one who requests this and very often has carried the desire within him for many years.  Sadly, in too many instances, the woman is unable to either understand this or fully embrace it as part of her life. (You would not believe how many men, single and married, are desperately asking for this kind of help).  So most often, the couple gets involved in the DWC lifestyle because the man has initiated it.

It is my most sincere desire that my work with the DWC, and this Companion Guide in particular, will enable you to achieve more fulfillment and intimacy in your relationship and reap the enormous benefits of being a true DWC husband.

Doing it Right

Before we go another step I want you to fully understand what I am about to say. I want your wife to enjoy her disciplinary activities.  I want her to feel relaxed and comfortable as she grows, day by day into a more confident and effective disciplinarian.  Your response to her, especially in the early stages of the new relationship, can make or break the whole project.

In case you haven’t noticed, most women are very conscientious and feel compelled to do a good job at what they do. Your wife may feel awkward or at least inexperienced when she begins her discipline program with you.  It is critical that you accept her discipline in the form it is given and appreciate it. Period!  She is not really in need of your “critical evaluation” about how close she came to you “ideal fantasy”.  This may sound cold hearted, but it is the best advice, believe me.

What ever she chooses to do in the way of discipline will be the beginning of her creating her own personal ways of dealing with you. This is absolutely not the time to get caught up in trying to get her to “match your fantasy”.  You may think “she doesn’t spank hard enough”, or “it doesn’t feel like she is really in control”, or any number of other things which don’t exactly match what you had in mind.  That’s fine.  Think what ever you want to, but your training is beginning here too. You must learn patience and how to be totally supportive of her.  This is a journey you will make together, not somewhere you arrive at all “perfect”.

 

Becoming proficient at anything takes time and practice, so give her plenty of time and space to get comfortable with it.  Again, don’t dwell on your pre-conceived notions about how things should be. You wanted a maternal, disciplinary relationship, and you deserve a lot of credit for having the courage to follow up on that wish. Think about it now.  Would the child (you) in a maternal disciplinary relationship have the option of telling the woman how you wanted to be punished and provide all the details for her to follow?  Of course not.  You are supposed to do what she tells you.  After she is really comfortable and confident with her authority you may approach her and ask if she would be interested in hearing about some of your preferences and ideas.  This would be more a matter of weeks or months however, not a few days.

Does the DWC get involved in S&M or B&D?

The DWC was created for couples who wish to use spanking and other appropriate discipline in their homes for the purpose of improving the man’s behavior and attitude.  It is an exclusively woman-in-charge organization.  We do not promote S&M or B&D activities as part of our programs.  Therefore, you will not find any advice or suggestion that you wear high heeled boots, leather outfits, or any other of the “black leather” fetish type clothing. To many people “in the S&M/B&D scene” our interest in home discipline is quite tame and very “vanilla”.

Having said that, I don’t want to leave you with the impression that we harbor any negative judgment regarding people who enjoy S&M or B&D.  Quite the contrary.  I have many good friends in that scene and I am glad that they are able to express themselves in mutually satisfying ways. For the DWC however, it is all about “good old fashioned” spanking and other home-based maternal discipline.  But a caveat.  If your wife, on her own, decides that she would feel empowered by trying exotic outfits and other leather-type of accouterments, then that is where your discipline program goes.  Your role is to support her all the way.

 

Play vs. Discipline

What is disciplinary play? 

There are basically two ways you can set up a DWC household, with play and without play.  In either case your wife will strive to establish a firm, no-nonsense set of rules and expectations and apply discipline as she sees fit.  The difference is whether or not you as a couple choose to indulge in “fun spanking sessions” for mutual enjoyment at times.  In my home I do choose to indulge in fun spanking sessions, but I do not necessarily make this a recommendation one way or the other.

Can a spanking session be fun? The answer is absolutely yes.  I know many couples who like to create little scenes at home in which they each take on a ‘dramatic role” such as the naughty student and the disciplinary principal, or the disciplinary “aunt” who takes over for the wishy-wishy mother.  Also they may have fun adding realism with certain clothing such as a business suit for the “woman executive who is punishing her errant employee”.

Play sessions are an opportunity to be really creative and light with the spanking scene.  Most men come into the spanking scene with some feelings of guilt or shame at needing spanking and may only want to receive real disciplinary punishment.  Playful spanking may seem inappropriate to you, but as in the other situations, she may want to have some fun/romantic type sessions and it is your job to participate in them with enthusiasm.

Do play spankings hurt or are they just symbolic? You wish!  Your wife will never have you across her knee without making sure you smart from the experience. All spankings hurt and sting  but the degree of intensity in a play session is usually milder than real discipline and it doesn’t last as long.

What happens if you get sexually aroused during a spanking session?  This will be handled in the privacy of your relationship. I don’t choose to get involved in that aspect.  We are talking about play and fun and lightness here.  It is about the two of you enjoying your private, intimate time as you wish.  I have made my comments to her about this in the Wives Handbook as well.

What about Play Parties?  Attendance at play parties is completely at your wife’s discretion.  If she does not feel that she wants to go to one of these parties, that is perfectly fine and 100% O.K. She may feel different in the future. If your wife is actively working at establishing a DWC home, you have nothing to complain about.  You are already among the few lucky men to have this dream become a reality.  It would not only be counter-productive to keep insisting that you go to parties, it would be spoiled brat behavior.

 

Accepting Authority

Remember the definition of a DWC relationship.  “The woman’s role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the man and invests in her the absolute authority to decide upon and wield punishments accordingly.  The man’s role is to accept this authority and strive to gain benefit from it”.

Receiving benefit from discipline begins well before you ever reach the point of actually experiencing an old fashioned spanking.  It begins with your awareness of your wife’s personal power and your belief that she is indeed the right woman to handle you.  Expect to be obedient!

Your wife may not be initially confident as she tries out her authority role.  She needs to experience success and see that you do take her seriously.  You will have to learn to obey her and to do so cheerfully. I recommend to the wives that they avoid “play sessions” at first, until you have come to realize what her punishment sessions really mean.  First you have to learn that she can spank you until you are a “sorry little boy”, who wishes those spankings would be over a whole lot sooner.  Later, she can become playful and you will really appreciate the difference.

Remember where it all began.  You asked your wife to please take over your discipline.  You have empowered her to assume the maternal role and have agreed to take the child role with respect to discipline.  You want, more than anything else, for her to be powerful, assertive and in control.  It is a beautiful thing, really.  Your obedience and compliance will greatly assist her in reaching her full potential.  Once your home is an established DWC home, it will all be very natural to you and you will be very happy for it.

By the way, it is not just your wife who you will need to show more respect for. It is all women.  I don’t mean this in the sense that you become a subservient person, but you should really become more open to and sensitive to women’s issues.  This will be helpful in your developing an overall healthier attitude, and it will feel really nice to you too

 

Responding to Punishment

It is entirely possible that when reality finally hits you, that means your first real disciplinary session, you will be surprised and possibly overwhelmed. I have seen plenty of men who, after wishing for years, get into a good hard licking and can hardly take it.  I have seen men cry during their first real discipline session.  So all I can say is be prepared.  A disciplinary spanking hurts a lot and it is not any fun at all while you are on the receiving end.

 

Your wife will probably assume a pretty formal attitude toward you during a punishment session. She will select what she wants to do, how she wants to do it, for how long, and how hard.  Do not try to tell her what to do or how to do it.  This will be seen by her as rude and provocative behavior and she will become more determined than ever to whip the daylights out of you. Make sure you know what you are getting into if you think you want to goad her before a session.

She will probably want to try some over-the-knee and you can expect it on your bare bottom. When she orders you across her knee, I suggest you respond quickly.  She will not tolerate your resistance at that point - so cooperate.  She may want to vary her methods and the positions you are in for punishment during the session.  It’s not over until she says it is.

You can bet that as your DWC relation evolves, she will come up with implements that you would rather never see in your home, like the cane or switch. These things are really painful and I know, to this day, my husband dreads the sight of either of these.  Again, this is her prerogative and her creative experimentation.  She has a job to do and will always be looking for the best tools and methods to do it.Showing Appreciation

 

Discipline should have a positive effect.  Unless she sees positive change occurring as a result of her efforts she will feel it is a waste of her time.  She will get bored continually addressing the same situation and will feel that her authority is not real.  To make sure that you are succeeding in making changes she will be very specific about what she expects to see and she will watch closely for results.

You will have to put up with closer supervision than you are used to and she will demand answers and evidence of your performance.  This is perfectly normal and how it is supposed to be.  If you feel resentful about this, or don’t want that kind of accountability, remember how maternal discipline occurs in a “child -parent” situation. The child simply cannot wiggle out of his Mothers watchful eye. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit that when you get your spankings, it is that bratty little boy part of you who is getting it.  Do your best to be cheerful about your duties.

I recommend the use of a formal, written plan to establish the disciplinary regime, especially in the beginning, or any time things seem to be getting slack. The DWC Contract fits that description perfectly.

If you do not show progress and a good attitude, she will realize that you have decided to test her. This is really your choice, but don’t make it a never ending battle of wills.  That is not what this is all about. If she finds she needs to raise the level of discipline in order to get you to respond positively she will do that.  But if she doesn’t see results, she will know that you are fundamentally not keeping your part of the bargain and your whole DWC relationship may be in jeopardy.  I urge you not to lose out on this relationship through stubbornness because you may never get her interested in it again.

 

Closing Comments

By now you should have a good feeling for what is involved in being a DWC husband.  This Companion Guide cannot answer all of your questions or totally prepare you for your adventure.  However, you should be as ready as you are going to get to take the first steps. The discipline you desire has the potential to bring a great deal of good to your life.  Sharing this most personal and intimate activity can develop greater trust and closeness than you have ever had. I wish you well, both of you.