DWC Woman's Guide

 

The DWC Woman’s Guide

 

Notice

Nothing in these handbooks is in any way intended to suggest, advise, recommend or in any other way influence toward the spanking of children.  We are adamantly opposed to any form of abuse or exploitation of children.  It is my expectation that decent people will inform the authorities if they discover instances of child abuse or pedophelia. This handbook and all DWC material are designated as Adult material and should be maintained as private resources for use by consenting adults only.

 

Introduction

Who Should Read This Handbook? 

This handbook has been created especially for the woman in the Disciplinary Wives relationship and the writing is addressed to her throughout.  It will have the most value if it is read by her first, privately. After digesting this information she will make a decision whether she prefers to keep it as her own personal resource or make it available to her partner.  

 

The DWC Companion Guide is written for the man, and it supports this Handbook completely.  I offer the same advice for that booklet, only the man reads it first and makes a decision about whether it will be more valuable private or shared.

 

What is a DWC relationship?

Before proceeding in this Handbook, I think we should be clear about what I mean, and what I do not mean, by a DWC relationship. The definition of a DWC relationship is that the woman’s role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the man and invests in her the absolute authority to decide upon and wield punishments accordingly.  The man’s role is to accept this authority and strive to gain benefit from it.  You will be reminded about this definition throughout this handbook. I know of thousands of couples who live this lifestyle and are happier, more devoted to one another and better off for it.  I would have it no other way in my home!  The quotations in the Handbook are all from real people although I do edit them to protect anonymity, and sometimes to save space.

 

The authority and punishment aspects of the DWC home are the most “sensational”, but, they are not the entire story.  The DWC is grounded in a philosophy of love, generosity and indeed making the world a better place for everyone.  I will explain this now.

 

Love comes first. Only with a loving relationship can you have loving discipline. Discipline should be administered because it will provide benefit to both parties. I will talk about this more later, but for now be aware that no matter how angry or determined we are while giving thorough discipline, beneath it there is always love.

 

Look at the following examples from real people to see how the aspect of love is key to their DWC relationship.

 

 “I set up a "JOB BOX" (actually this was partly Jerry's idea) in which I placed 3X5 cards with various chores and suggestions in it. Included in this "Job Box" are regular chores such as vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen floor and some yard work. (If he doesn't do his regular chores, I know I will have to discipline him.) I also included some general recreational things, but made sure that they would be things that were constructive, such as working on one of his models.  All, in all, we are both pleased with the way things are going. I have a husband who is attentive to my every need, even more than before, and we are both happier than we have been in a long time.  Sincerely, T”

 

“This morning (Sunday) I woke my wife up before she wanted to, because I wasn't patient enough to wait when I wanted to go wash the vehicles. Later in the morning, she came out of the bathroom after hearing the front door close and asked nonchalantly if the kids were outside. I told her they were. "Right," she said, stalking over to her dresser where we keep the hairbrush out at all times, " come here, drop your pants and your underwear and put your hands on the bed!" I did this. She gave me about forty hard spanks on the bottom, telling me in rhythm with the strikes not to ever wake her up early again. My butt is pink and sore, and I simply love my wife to pieces.  From, LV”

 

“My compliments on your wonderful web-site. My husband and I have been adherents of maternal discipline for the last eight of our nine year marriage. I'm convinced that the clear and uncompromising roles this type of relationship provides us has strengthened our bond. It's wonderful to know we're not alone, and that others have come to know the "special love" and trust that comes from regular maternal spankings. Though my husband's bottom is often red and sore as a result of my loving corrections, he has come to regard our intimate disciplinary sessions as caring, albeit painful reminders of our now cherished roles. Thanks again!!--S”

 

“Wow! I thought I was the only husband in the world who got spanked by his wife. I charged two of her credit cards to the limit last year and didn’t tell her. To make a really long story short, she found out while trying to make surprise vacation arrangements for us and couldn't use the cards. She was so angry when she got home and made me go over her knee for the hardest spanking I ever got in my life. Our relationship took a sharp turn after that, I have never loved her more, and I don’t use the credit cards for anything.  From, S”

 

“We think this site is just fantastic.. We believe what makes it all so great is that it calls for a new and real commitment on both sides. It calls for being honest and up front with your wife and it

means both sides being true and honest in conversing in all things.. If you really take it serious and commit to it then wondrous and beautiful things can and will come about. You will be so surprised at the results. Trust.... T & J”

 

“I have been learning a lot about discipline and I really do believe it is helping my marriage. My husband and I are becoming much closer now. Discipline is needed in a marriage as I have found out the hard way. From, J”

 

“I'm a wife that has just experienced being able to use discipline as a form of punishment in my marriage. Recently my husband and I almost ended our marriage because I didn't want to understand about his discipline needs. I am glad that I can finally now sign this guestbook, as in the past, I have been very unsure as what this discipline was all about. Now that I have read everyone's point of view, I am feeling a little more comfortable. For the first time the other night I performed this discipline with my husband because of the things he did wrong. I felt much better after I took him over my lap and used my small kitchen cutting board as a disciplinary tool. I know that after he was done, he had also felt better that I didn't just ignore what he did wrong, but I gave him the discipline that was needed. All along our marriage has been very rocky and now I feel that I understand that this is what my husband has needed all along. He has told me a couple of times, but I just ignored him and thought he was weird. Now that I have finally learned about this, I feel I understand it better and he isn't so weird after all.

 

I know that I still have a lot more learning and understanding of discipline in a marriage, but in time I know I will get better at it and understand it better. With this type of discipline that I have now began in my home, I believe that it well help with my marriage to my wonderful husband (M). I hope that if there is any other marriage out there about to fall apart because of this same miscommunication, I encourage you to take the time to understand it a little better like I did. I feel much better and I know that M does too.  From, J”

 

“I'm a 28 year old women living in Australia. Last week a bombshell hit my life that had the potential to wreck my life. I discovered my husband of 13 years was having an affair that had been going on for 5 years. I was devastated. When my husband was confronted with the situation although I was upset it was obvious that he desperately wanted to stay and that everything else aside he still loved me above all others. I wanted him to stay but I wanted things to change. I needed to find a way to keep his mind focused on me and our two children.

 

I found your web site 5 days ago and I'm glad to say it has helped me discover the key as I'm sure all he thinks about now is me and treating me the way I deserve. To cut a long story short, on Thursday I sent him down to the garden center with instructions to buy a bamboo tomato stake. He was confused about driving into town to buy a 30 cent piece of bamboo. His confusion didn’t last long when he arrived home. I took him into the bedroom lectured him seriously about what he had done and set the rules for how life was going to be from now on. I was surprised how he reacted. It was almost a tonic for him. After the lecture I had him remove his jeans and underpants. I caned his behind more that 30 times. It was obvious it was hurting him. A couple of times he moved away and begged me to stop, so I hit him harder and told him not move again or I would double the punishment. After I was done his behind was covered with bright red stripes. I was sure that was enough. I told him that from now on I was taking it as my own responsibility to ensure he was thinking about me all of the time. C”

 

Generosity  Your role as disciplinarian requires that you put thought, energy and time into meeting this important need of his. For some it is an easy or natural thing to do and for others it requires really stretching your concept of a relationship.  (Most of us grew up with a false model which makes any man the family authority, regardless of whether he was deserving of it or not.  I will say more about this later as well). 

Your undertaking of this role is an immense gift and therefore an act of significant generosity.  In practically every case I know about this is recognized and appreciated by the man who should naturally respond by developing more generosity toward you.  The nice thing is this: if he is too selfish to realize this and does not naturally show the generosity you deserve you will have the tools available to bring him to this realization.

Look at the following examples from real people to see how the aspect of generosity is key to their DWC relationship.

“Boy am I glad my wife found out about the DWC.  I am a changed man now. Just think, I no longer smoke, I help out with the housework, do my chores without complaining and I even put the seat down now every time.  Oh yes, I am much more considerate of her now and attend to her needs.  Thank you again for starting The DWC.  Signed, L’s Husband.”

 

“I have been spanked the past three nights in a row by my wife, who has been reluctant to discipline me or understand me until I gave her a printed copy of your “Tips & Methods” and “Real People”.  She now understands my desires and that I am not all that strange and had done an effective job on my bottom.  It is taking effort to sit here and type this, in exchange she has gotten things done around the house she could have only dreamed of as well as a more affectionate husband.  She has planned to spank me 7 days in a row to make sure I am serious and after that will be on an as needed basis.  Thank you (I think) for your site. It may be able to change my life!   Signed, J”

 

The World a Better Place.  I know this sounds kind of grandiose but let me share a core belief of mine with you. The DWC philosophy is rooted in a sincere belief that we, as women, must step up to the responsibility of providing the moral tone and discipline for the men in our lives. After 6,000 years of men basically running this planet we are in such an unbelievable mess that it is undeniable that their way of "ruling" is an overall failure.

 

We come from a feminine place of intrinsic wisdom with an instinct to nurture.  In fact, we do "know what's good for men" far more often than not. (When I say to my husband, “You are going to get what’s good for you!” I mean it literally). Would a world with women holding the power countenance war, starvation, neglect of children and business practices that wreak havoc on third world countries? I don't think so.

Is spanking your husband going to feed a starving child in Bangladesh tomorrow?  Not really.  It is more of a grass roots activity, remember "every journey begins with the first step, and every ripple in the pond makes waves somewhere.”  Similarly, every man who becomes a more polite, considerate and nicer individual also helps the world.

Look at the following examples from real people to see how the aspect of making the world a better place fits into their DWC relationship.

 

“Another benefit, we recently realized, happened where my husband works. There was a lot of complaining from a couple of the men about the way some of the female employees act.  They felt the women were being bossy and acting like they had more responsibility for things than they did or should.  My husband said he realized that the women weren’t bossy - they were just being assertive and business-like in their dealings with the men and the men didn’t know how to respond.  The other men wanted the women to be deferring to them.  Their mighty male egos couldn’t handle women who know how to be in charge.  My husband said he realized how much smoother things went when the women were there and in charge. Things got done on time, and if there was a problem, they would check into it and would come back quickly with the answer. Of course things run more smoothly when women are in charge. They know how to set priorities and aren’t afraid of asserting themselves when it is needed - instead of posturing and blustering. Signed, T”

 

“My wife and I have had this sort of arrangement for 12 of our 13 years married and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know of a lot of other men who need this in their lives. Well, honestly, I think ALL men need this. My wife is right when she says men are just little boys in adult bodies. Keep on spanking! Signed, M”

 

“It’s a comfort to know there are so many other people out there who really feel that women in general are the superior and dominant species. My wife rules our home and there is never a question of her authority for any reason. I do all the chores and must obtain her full permission if I want to go anywhere with my friends. She is a firm believer in doling out a severe spanking to me if I violate any of her rules. I really love her and wouldn’t change a thing - even if I could.  I would bet the divorce rate and many other problems of our society would change if more women assumed their rightful place as the true leaders of our society. Thank you, K”

 

“I'm sitting on a very hot seat after paying off a number of bad behavior offenses. I'm going to put a lot of effort into pulling my act together for my wife and myself. Last nights session with her

hairbrush, blackboard ruler and cane was far more than I like; and no sex after. I want someone else to know that if you take your discipline to heart it can help motivate. I hope that doesn't sound too weird coming from a 45YO 5'11" tertiary educated man. Signed, K”

 

“I have little doubt that many couples are now realizing that when the wife is in control the husband tends to be much happier and their is more harmony in the home. We have a lot of friends and can tell you there are more couples than you may think that are either embracing this lifestyle or are now changing to adapt this beautiful way of life into their own marriages. My husband and I are really out in the open about our roles, we would like to know if this trend is going on across the country and around the world. I saw the dramatic change in my husband after he got his first serious spanking from me. There is no substitute for strict discipline from a loving wife, and I think many guys are finally beginning to admit it. All it takes is a lot of love and communication. Thank you so much Aunt Kay for this site. Signed, D”

 

How and why does a couple become involved in a DWC lifestyle?

 

There are probably as many answers as there are couples, but I have enough experience that I can share with you what are the most common answers.  I begin with this so that you will recognize that you are neither “weird” or alone.

 

Sometimes people who have an interest in this lifestyle meet and come together with a reasonable idea of what to expect.  This usually happens when both the woman and the man already have enough of an interest in Maternal Discipline relationships that they seek one another out through publications, clubs or other places for people with this common interest.

 

Most of the time the man in the relationship is the one who requests this and very often has carried the desire within him for many years.  Sadly, in too many instances, the woman is unable to either understand this or fully embrace it as part of her life. (You would not believe how many men, single and married, are desperately asking for this kind of help).  So, most often, the couple gets involved in the DWC lifestyle because the man has initiated it.  However, there are a few shining examples, where for one critical reason or another, the wife just “laid down the law” and demanded her husband accept the discipline or leave.

 

It is my most sincere desire that my work with the DWC, and this handbook in particular, will enable you to achieve more fulfillment and intimacy in your relationship and reap the enormous benefits of being a true DWC wife.

 

Look at the following examples from real people to see how they began their DWC relationship.

 

“I really do appreciate this page. I have always known there were others into the dominance of the female in the home but never in numbers it would take to make web pages devoted to it worthwhile. I have been married to my husband for 25 years. He is very used to authority in his live, having been disciplined by his mother until he was a late year teenager, then by my mother during the early years of our marriage. I have now taken over and our relationship could not be better. He get out of line quite a bit and is quickly bent over, with pants down, waiting on the first crack of the paddle or hairbrush. Even though he is middle aged, he still squirms, cries, pleads and kicks just like a little six year old. He is always so well behaved afterwards. I have only let a very few of my closest friends know what goes on in our marriage. Almost all of them encourage me very much and a couple have even started the discipline in there homes as well. Thanks again for the time to administer this site. D”

 

“Great site Kay! I think this lifestyle is becoming more popular. I've been disciplining my husband of seven years ever since we were first married. When I suggested it, he jumped at the chance. Just a couple of months ago I told a girl friend about our arrangement. Now she's spanking her own husband. My sister has started spanking her boyfriend. I know for a fact my dad gets it over my mother's knee at least occasionally because once I overheard my mother tell him "I think you're about due for another lesson with the strap." He was very contrite and submissive the next day, which is just the way it should be. Men need us to control them. Keep up the good work ladies. Pretty soon we'll rule the world!  S.B.”

 

Doing it Right

Before we go another step I want you to fully understand what I am about to say. I want you to enjoy your Disciplinary Wife activities.  Relax!  Don’t make all of this “awful/serious” stuff. Eventually you will get far more benefit from it than the effort it takes.

If you are anything like me, you have more than enough to do and plan every day.  I always worry about doing things perfectly and meeting expectations.  Do you do this too?  Here is the good news.

You do not need to be judgmental about your performance as a DWC woman.  This is my club, and I hereby formally absolve you of the need to be perfect or to rely on his approval for feeling good about your disciplinary efforts.  I am here to tell you that what ever you do for him in the way of discipline is done right!  It’s all up to you. Do not get caught up in what he wants right now (if he lets you know somehow that your discipline doesn’t meet his fantasy). If he were sufficiently mature and patient he wouldn’t need all this spanking, so like dealing with a spoiled child, he can wait until you have had the time to develop the mental and physical skills to the point where you are totally in control.

Becoming proficient at anything takes time and practice.  For most of you, moving into the role is a new learning experience, so give yourself plenty of time and space to get comfortable with it.  Again, don’t fall into trying to meet his pre-conceived standards, he will eventually adjust to yours.

Look at the following examples from real people to help you become more comfortable with your disciplinary approach and to help you feel free from concern about ‘doing the discipline perfectly’.

“I used to be able to spank P whenever his behavior warranted some discipline - about once every three to four weeks. However, his leaving his job in order to become a full-time student has forced us to give up our apartment and move in with my future in-laws. They're great people and I love them to death but the lack of privacy makes administering a proper spanking much more difficult.

What we now do is keep an ongoing ledger of his misdeeds. When we get the house to ourselves we go over them one by one.  I have my fiancé strip down to his jockey's and wait for me in the corner of his mother's sewing room. I purposely keep him waiting a while. If I know we're going to have the place for a few hours I'll take a shower or perhaps even a bath. I love knowing that he's obediently waiting standing at attention with his nose in the corner. It’s a total affirmation of my power and authority over him. Sometimes I even sneak a peek. Seeing him there sends a delicious chill through my entire body.

 

He knows to set things up before he heads to the corner. When I walk in I find the armless chair in the center of the room with the hairbrush and ledger book on the seat. Unlike a lot of couples, I don't start spanking him on his underwear. I immediately whisk them down myself and leave him standing naked before me while I explain to him in detail why he's being punished. He has confided to me that this is one of his favorite parts of a spanking so I have made it my business to become a "master lecturer". There's never more than two or three "crimes" written in the  ledger (we don't believe in making up reasons to spank; only real-life transgressions count) but he knows that’s enough to warrant a painful trip over my lap.

When I'm through lecturing, he places himself over my knees and the spanking starts. I usually begin with my hand to warm his buttocks up. This produces an occasional moan or "ouch" from him but nothing more. A lot of the time I get the distinct impression that my palm is being punished more than his bottom! That changes once I pick up the hairbrush. Although I start  the hairbrush swings relatively easy they quickly increase in their severity. Its so cute the way he clenches his buttocks in anticipation of the next smack. I continue lecturing and spanking and before long his buns are bright red and he's kicking his legs like an Olympic swimmer. P begs and makes all sorts of promises but I refuse to ease-up. I can very well tell his faked sobbing  and pleading from the real thing and when he's truly crying I always continue the spanking for another couple of minutes. Towards the end I'm swinging the brush as hard as I can. I sort of feel bad for him but I refuse to let him up until I am  absolutely sure he is thoroughly repentant for his misdeeds.

What happens next is the main reason why I love spanking P so much. I tell him to get up and with him sobbing like a baby I pull him into my arms. It is a very tender moment. Total communication. He is completely emotionally naked and I feel honored to be the woman whom he bares his soul to.  We just hold each other and relish in the love we have for one another. Sometimes we stay like this for quite a while. After his crying tapers off and he's through apologizing, I insist he go back in the corner for anywhere between ten minutes and one hour. I know that part of P loves being spanked but no part of him enjoys being in the corner. Consequently, I sometimes feel as though this is where his true penance is done. I go about my business but do spot checks and he knows that if his nose isn't in the corner and his hands aren't at his side (I do not allow any rubbing) I'll use his own belt on him. Afterwards, he helps me relieve the pent-up sexual energy I have from spanking him. However, he is purposefully left sexually frustrated. After all, as I said in the beginning of my letter, this is not play, it is punishment. S. C.”

“Nice web site!  My boyfriend is the head of a rather large corporation and he’s the boss there.  At home, I am the boss. He seems not to mind being subservient to me, as it is quite a different world than he lives in at work.  Discipline is the name of the game and we regularly have spanking sessions on the weekend, reviewing his errors and mis-deeds and then we get down to business. I usually make him shower first, as this relaxes him.  Then, wearing shorts and a robe, I invite him for a spanking. He must kneel in front of me and ask for his punishment. I then take him across my lap and spank his bottom for 5 or 10 minutes. He’s always begging for mercy and I usually let him up after a good “fanny-spank” session. From DJ”

“I have been bossing my husband around since before we were married (ten years ago!). We began the practice of over-the-knee-spanking about 9 years ago. He forgot our anniversary and I was very upset. I told him I was extremely angry and that I needed an outlet to release my pent-up frustration. To my surprise, he suggested I go ahead and spank him. I had never done such a thing before and, to my surprise, this was a great relief to me. Maybe to him, too. Anyway, whenever I feel he needs some sort of correction, we close the drapes, turn down the lights and he is bent over my knee (usually in the living room). A normal "session" lasts about 5-10 minutes. I feel better afterwards, though he's not very happy. Great therapy. Nice web site. *V”

 “It seems that when I am away on business that my husband gets into much too much trouble. In his idle time he has wasted his energy on the Internet, probably doing other unmentionable things while viewing graphic images. It has occurred to me that a sitter might just be the answer to my problem. What I am looking for is another DWC woman who would be willing to stop by occasionally to inspect and monitor his behavior for me when I am traveling. Or alternately, have him to report to you for a period. Of course, any measures that you would deem appropriate, you should feel free to implement. He is quite handy and in your custody you might find some useful chore for his talents. Hopefully there is someone who might become a friend and help me with this little matter. You need only be a DWC woman. J”

“Dear disciplinary wives: Are there any of you out there who employ non-corporal punishments at times? For several months now, I have imposed punishment line writing on my husband, A, to great effect. I find that it fills his "empty" time, keeps him focused, and is suitably punishing. (Imagine having to write, "I deserve to be disciplined and I promise to be completely honest with my wife" 300 times in perfect handwriting!) Length of lines varies and so does the number. On those occasions that A must be on away trips for work, I insist he keep a Punishment Writing Log of 100 lines per day, a method which keeps him from slipping into wandering, direction-less areas. I'd love to hear from any other wives who are practiced at this sort of punishment and what kind of lines they assign. (By the way, I just love the site, Aunt Kay! Keep up the good work!) ~ E”

Does the DWC get involved in S&M or B&D?

The DWC was created for couples who wish to use spanking and other appropriate discipline in their homes for the purpose of improving the man’s behavior and attitude.  It is an exclusively woman-in-charge organization.  We do not promote S&M or B&D activities as part of our programs.  Therefore, you will not find any advice or suggestion that you wear high heeled boots, leather outfits, or any other of the “black leather” fetish type clothing. To many people “in the S&M/B&D scene” our interest in home discipline is quite tame and very “vanilla”.

Having said that, I don’t want to leave you with the impression that we harbor any negative judgment regarding people who enjoy S&M or B&D.  Quite the contrary.  I find their wild self-expression courageous and above all I encourage couples to enjoy themselves in the ways they find mutually satisfying. For us however, it is all about “good old fashioned” spanking and other home-based maternal discipline.

You will not find any advice or suggestion that you wear high heeled boots, leather outfits, or any other of the ‘black leather fetish’ type clothing.  Many DWC couples find certain nuances which enhance their spanking experiences. Some do like to include ‘special clothing’ on occasion.  Among the popular ‘outfits’ I know about are: an executive business suit, nice pleated skirt and blouse with nylons, lingerie is popular, and a few people really like authentic looking Victorian outfits.  Again, it is your home and your scene so enjoy the freedom to pursue it as you most enjoy.

Play vs. Discipline

There are basically two ways you can set up a DWC household, with play and without play.  In either case you will establish a firm, no-nonsense set of rules and expectations and apply discipline as you see fit.  The difference is whether or not you choose to indulge in “fun spanking sessions” for mutual enjoyment at times.  In my home I do choose to indulge in fun spanking sessions, but I do not necessarily make this a recommendation one way or the other.

 

No-nonsense discipline

The remaining sections of this handbook will deal disciplinary practices in detail, but for now I want to help you think about the difference between real discipline and play. The most essential part of establishing a DWC home is the discipline regime. That’s why we call it the Disciplinary Wives Club.

 

Discipline is based on mutual understanding about the rules of behavior in the home and what to expect if they are broken.  While you have the authority to set the rules, it all works out best if you discuss them with your husband and allow him to “negotiate” some of the rules, so he does in fact feel responsibility for them too.  When a discipline session is called for, it must always be given.  This is especially true when you are beginning your new journey as a DWC wife.

 

You might think that a casual reference, like “you are going to get a spanking for that” made off-hand when you are out of the house, is quickly forgotten by your husband. Not so. He may never say anything to you about it, but he notices if a spanking was forgotten. Don’t fall into the trap of undermining your authority by forgetting the golden rule: when a discipline session is called for, it must always be given!

 

Always remember that when you are in your disciplinary mode, he is in his spoiled brat mode. Remember when you were a child, was discipline or punishment fun? No. So you must think of punishment as something which will have the effect of making him think quite a while before challenging you again.  And keep in mind that he is not, in fact, a small child. He is a grown man and needs an extensive spanking.

 

Discipline sessions are ideally given as closely to the time of the infraction as possible.  However, when there are circumstances such as children at home or other logistical problems, make sure you seize the very first opportunity to apply the discipline.  If there will be an undesired delay in spanking, think about levying some interim discipline such as having him perform household chores which you might do, or grounding from an activity, such as bowling with friends etc.

 

The discipline spanking is a very firm, hard, long spanking and should not be even mildly influenced by his howling protests, or promises to “be good”.  Every man becomes a quickly “repentant” little boy across your knee and they can sound very sincere.  You will carry through with everything you plan to give him and then leave him alone in the room or give him corner time to think about it.

 

After the spanking portion of the disciplinary session and his time alone, you will announce any additional punishment you feel is required and have him explain to you in detail why he was punished and what he will do differently in the future.  Make sure he always thanks you sincerely, for his punishment.  Any lack of sincerity in his thanking you is an indication that you may have to administer more immediately.

 

Discipline spankings and punishment should change behavior.  Look at the following examples from real people to see how their DWC relationship results in positive behavior changes.

 

“My husband really had a little temper tantrum.  I let him rant a bit, as we had company.  But as soon as they left, I marched him upstairs and gave him a good paddling.  I told him he had no business acting like a spoiled brat.  And since he had, he was going to get just what a spoiled brat deserved - a good tanning on the bare bottom.  Believe me, he was a bit surprised.  But, he took it. When it was over, he thanked me. We had a good day and there were no more problems.

I wish we had started our activities with the DWC a long time ago.  What a lot of wasted energy  went into keeping the peace when plans had to be changed , or delayed before...now, just a few minutes in the privacy of our room with a nice paddle and the problem is solved.  B”

 

“We've since done away with play-spanking. In our household spankings are for real and they have been for some time now. Don't get me wrong. We're not into S&M. P is not my slave and I am not his mistress. Our relationship is built on love and friendship. However, I'm the one who wears the pants in this relationship and he is definitely the one who takes his down.  S”

 

“Reading this site has made a difference in our spanking relationship. I showed my wife and now we use the bare bottom approach to solving every (however small or large) dispute. It doesn't matter how much I squirm, she keeps the hairbrush coming down. We still are perfecting our system . I see others on this page can't get their wives to spank harder, well, try really committing yourself to your wife and pleading the case that no permanent injury will come from a good bare bottom spanking. LV”

 

“I am glad to see that there are more woman who are taking the lead when it comes to handling their men. Any problems that I had with my husband quit when I started his discipline!!!  A”

 

 

What is disciplinary play? 

Can a spanking session be fun? The answer is absolutely yes.  I know many couples who like to create little scenes at home in which they each take on a ‘dramatic role” such as the naughty student and the disciplinary principal, or the disciplinary “aunt” who takes over for the wishy-washy mother.  Also they may have fun adding realism with certain clothing such as a business suit for the “woman executive who is punishing her errant employee”.

 

Play sessions are an opportunity to be really creative and light-hearted with the spanking scene.  Most men come into the spanking scene with some feelings of guilt or shame at needing spanking and therefore only want to receive real disciplinary punishment.  Keep it in the back of your mind that at some time you may want to introduce play to help them release some of the intensity they hold with this.

 

Play sessions have the added benefit of increasing your communication with your husband about spanking. Some men are not very verbal about their spankings. They might ‘take it like a man’, but still cannot have a relaxed conversation with you about it.  Play sessions very frequently include some spontaneous laughter and chatter that doesn’t occur during discipline.  This openness that happens during play carries over and encourages more openness about the DWC aspect of your relationship, and often the rest of the relationship as well.

 

If you are just beginning a disciplinary regime in your home and you are not yet confident with it, it is probably better to stay with the disciplinary aspect.  This is important because first of all you must establish your authority. It is always easier to lighten up after you have established your authority than to increase your authority after you have shown permissiveness.

 

Do you still really spank in play?  Of course you do.  He should never go across your knee and have it be a “nothing experience”. Spankings hurt and sting and all that good stuff.  But yes, the degree of intensity in a play session is usually milder than real discipline and it doesn’t last as long.

 

What happens if he gets sexually aroused during a fun spanking session?  I hope I don’t have to answer this one for you. We are talking about play and fun and lightness here.  It is about the two of you enjoying your private, intimate time as you wish.  Play sessions are a nice chance for you to ‘play erotically’, wherever your own personal passions take you.  After all, this is your husband!

 

What about Play Parties?  You have probably heard or read about people getting together for spanking play parties.  This may be something you would like to try or it may be so far out of your interest that you can hardly imagine it.  What I will do here is tell you the reality of what they are like and leave you to think about it.  As with other things, attending a play party is an activity which should occur at your discretion. 

 

If he wants to go to one of these parties and you are kind of neutral about it, you could offer it as a reward or incentive.  Tell him that when he accomplishes something specific, which is really important to you, you will accompany him to a play party or meet with another DWC couple. This can be very motivational for some men so use this reward wisely.

 

If you do not feel that you want to go to one of these parties, that is perfectly fine and 100% O.K. You may feel different in the future, or you may not. Meanwhile, if you have established a DWC home, your husband has nothing to complain about.  He is already among the fortunate few of these needy men.  One of your important benefits as a DWC wife is the motto “No Guilt”.

 

What happens at a play party?

A play party is anything from two couples getting together to a large gathering of spanking fans. What goes on there is a lot of spanking.  Until you experience one of these parties it is hard to imagine.  Suffice it to say that at any time, during a mid to large party several people are across someone’s knee and are being spanked.  Picture this, because it is exactly how it is: Spanking can become so commonplace a party that you might find yourself having a casual conversation about just about anything while someone two feet away is getting their bottom thoroughly spanked with a hairbrush!

 

People usually bring along their own personal favorite spanking implements and use them freely at the party and allow others to try them as well.  Also, I have never seen anyone forced to do anything they didn’t want to at one of these parties.  They are really quite safe events.

 

Two couples meeting together.  This scenario has it’s pros and cons.

 

The pros are:  If the women are pretty comfortable in their authority and embrace my philosophy about the inherent goodness of spanking men, things will go really well.  Assuming you are in a private home both men will probably be given more than one spanking by each of the other women and a lot of other nice, social connection usually occurs. 

 

If you are fortunate enough to find a couple who you are compatible with, you can actually expand your disciplinary practice by employing an occasional two-DWC woman disciplinary session.  I know for a fact that the fantasy appeal of this wears off very quickly when two DWC women are serious about their work. My husband is one who enjoys play parties but dreads the idea of my bringing in another woman for real discipline.

 

The cons are:  If the women are new to the scene or are not completely secure in their authority over men, it will probably be somewhat awkward. It can be difficult to build up enthusiasm to actually do the spanking and conversation will sort of circumvent the main idea. Also if the woman has been “talked into” going to the meeting, but she is filled with reservations, it does not bode well for a successful meeting.

 

Private Parties  This is the ideal set up for exploring play parties.  Unless it is a DWC party, there are usually quite a few who switch (take turns giving and receiving) at these parties.  You must remember that the DWC is a small, (but proud) niche in the spanking world. Don’t let the fact that most of the parties have a lot of switches there bother you.  It is a great time, people do not usually pressure anyone to participate if they are not ready, and you will be surprised at the degree of cordiality and friendliness you experience there.

 

Private parties are really nice because you usually have the option of going into one of the designated “private rooms” for a spanking, or doing it right out in the living room areas.  Unless doors are purposely shut, it is acceptable to enter a room where a spanking is in progress, but getting involved without an invitation is not considered polite.

 

Large Parties  In case you are unaware of the magnitude of some of these events, Shadowlane spanking parties have as many as 500 - 1,000 people attend their events and they usually reserve a hotel for the weekend.  These are not, however, she-spanks-him only, events.  At these events women and men get spankings in roughly equal numbers and anyone might be spanking anyone, (men spanking women, women spanking men, women spanking women, and rarely men spanking men).

 

Large events like this always have a lot of structured activity.  Games, vendor locations, banquets and more.  These can be absolutely wonderful for people who have never played in public. You can be anonymous as long as you wish.  This means you can take your time and jump in when you feel ready.  Shadowlane is a reputable group and their large parties are simply an amazing experience.

 

A very common practice at big hotel parties is for people to rent large suites and have private parties in there.  These are usually far more chaotic than a private party in someone home, but still a really fun way to meet some people.

 

Disciplinary Attitude

Effective discipline begins well before you ever reach the point of administering a spanking.  It begins with your awareness of your own personal power and your belief that you are indeed the right woman to handle this (which you are).  From now on you expect to be obeyed!

 

Think about where you are.  Your husband has come to you and asked you to please take over his discipline.  He has empowered you to assume the maternal role and has agreed to take the child role with respect to discipline.  He wants more than anything else for you to be powerful, assertive and in control.  It is a beautiful thing, really.  He is practically begging you to reach into your internal strength, which he correctly senses is in you, and take him to the woodshed when he needs it.  Believe me, not only can you do this, it gets better and better.

 

Find a way to build up your self-esteem in this area.  Read stories in spanking magazines and get an idea of how those women are thinking.  You can also have fun identifying with many of the strong women we see in the movies, sports and on TV.  Most of all, never show him you have any doubt in this. Expect him to obey your orders and wait as long as you have to until he complies. By mutual agreement you are in control, and you should not have to argue with him.

 

It is the first disciplinary session which is the real “wake up” call to the man.  No matter how long they have been thinking they wanted this, and fantasizing about it, they are often unpleasantly surprised at how painful the experience can be.  You should be emotionally prepared for the first session because you will likely be tempted to “go easy” for fear of seriously harming him.  However, this first session is key to establishing your power and you can’t afford the luxury of “going easy”.  When the time comes you must deliver a sound licking, accompanied by a lecture about what’s wrong and why he is being punished.

 

You choose a position that will work best for you.  You can try several different positions during a single session.  For example you can begin with him across your knees with a hairbrush applied very soundly. Then you may want to do something else. So you might order him assume another position (kneeling over the bed, bent over a chair etc.).  If you want to use a strap or a switch, which requires a bit of swinging room, get him off your lap and somewhere more convenient.

 

What I am getting at here that is so important is that you are selecting what you want to do, how you want to do it, how long, how hard and what ever else.  Yes there is a serious, hard aspect to giving this kind of a licking, but I still want you to enjoy it. Simply; give it to him and you will do fine.

 

Methods of Punishment

Spanking is a form of corporal punishment. Whipping, flogging, and other forms of physical pain are corporal punishment. I advocate very thorough spanking because it is the method which emphasizes the maternal aspect.  Mother spanking the child. There is also punishment work, denial of privileges, and other creative approaches you will find.

 

The hairbrush is probably the most popular item associated with maternal discipline. The best is a solid old fashioned hairbrush, but there are some nice plastic models that will work quite well. What is most desirable is an oval-shaped brush with a nice flat back. You may have to look around a bit to find what you want.  Many of my friends like to look in antique stores or flea markets for interesting old brushes.

 

The hairbrush has been a symbol of spanking and home discipline for years and it is a must for your inventory. Once you have used it to spank your husband, it will become something special between you.  You can leave it sitting out in the open and every time he sees it, he will be reminded of his trip across your knee.

 

Over-the-knee spanking is an important part of your repertoire because it emphasizes your dominance and his desire to be treated as a child. I expect all of this spanking to be on his bare bottom.  Once you are seated, have him stand ready to go over your lap and lower his pants and underwear. When you are ready to begin, order him across you knee. He should quickly position himself across your lap. It is very important that he be trained to do this without hesitation. If you let him get into the habit of stalling after you have ordered him over, each time you give a spanking, it will become more difficult to get him to assume the position. The first time he hesitates after being told to get over your knee (or assuming any other position), you should approach him and deliver a long, hard, stinging whipping to his bottom and his legs near his bottom.  Make sure he will not fail to obey your order to assume his punishment position.

 

Over time you will find, or purchase, many useful spanking items.  Look for good paddles because they are also very useful for over-the-knee spanking.  Also larger paddles are good for more severe whipping when he is positioned over a chair.  A paddle with holes drilled in it (sometimes called a Spencer Paddle) delivers a hard swat due to its faster speed.

 

A leather strap is another of the famous traditional implements.  A nice width or about 2 inches and a good heft of thickness is desirable.  The old razor strops are wonderful and they simply terrorize the men.  Also a good belt, doubled over with you holding the buckle end is another classic.  The strap is best delivered when he is standing and a good strapping does wonders when they are in a “stubborn mood”.

 

An instrument which originated, I believe, in England is the cane.  It has grown in popularity in our country and is another of the instruments despised by most men.  It is made from rattan, about 30 inches long, and highly flexible. A good rattan cane can be bent until both ends touch and when released, will spring back to its original shape. The cane is wonderful because it is “the silent killer”.  You can use it when there are other people in the house since even moderate music or television sound drowns out the swish and smack of it.  Use a quick snap of the wrist to take advantage of its whippiness. The cane, when applied with vigor, will leave welts which will show for days. I personally reserve the cane for occasions when I really want to make sure of a lasting impression.

 

The Switch is a “homemade cane”.  It is acquired by finding a tree, such as a birch or willow and selecting a nice straight branch about one half inch in thickness and perhaps three feet in length. Bring the branch home and then have your husband carefully whittle or sand off the twigs and protrusions and peel off the bark.  I like to send my husband out to cut his own switch and prepare it.  He knows if he doesn’t get one which meets my requirements I will find a bigger one myself and I will also be very annoyed that I had to go do that.

 

You will find what works well for you through practice.  It is important that you remain in control during a spanking session. If you order him to assume a position and remain it during spanking, that is the standard you must hold him to. If he breaks out of position inform him you will be starting over again and will continue to do this until he shows the behavior you expect.

 

One of the non-corporal methods of punishment I like was used by strict school teachers of the past.   It is punishment by writing a phrase over and over many times on a blackboard or a piece of paper.  The teacher would typically inspect the finished work for accuracy and neatness and if it was not satisfactory have the student do it over again.

 

This has the added advantage of reinforcing in the person’s mind why they have been punished and can be used after a good spanking to further drive home the message.  For example: if your husband must neatly write “A gentleman does not ever use foul language in front of his wife” 100 times, while sitting on a hot sore bottom, there is a good chance he will be more careful in the future.  Consider saving this method for occasions where you really feel strongly about a punishment and want to make even more of an impression than corner time.

  

Assessing Behavior Improvement

 

Discipline should have a positive effect.  It is a waste of your time to continually address the same situation and it also undermines your authority.  The best way to make sure you are succeeding in bringing a change about is by being very specific about what you expect to see and closely monitoring for the results.

 

Just like you would closely supervise a child to make sure that they were practicing the correct habits you sought to instill in them, you must do this with your husband as well.  This is especially true until he has earned your trust by showing you that he does keep his promises.

 

If your goal is to have him change something which is very easy to keep track of, such as getting home on time, this is no problem.  However, sometimes it is not as clear.  For example, if he were a student and his study habits needed improvement, you would sit down with him and create a specific plan, complete with goals and timelines for completion.  Here is an example:

 

This report will be done by Monday, at 4:00

 

That book will be read by Tuesday at 9:00

 

Three pages of the thesis will be completed every day

The plan should be carefully worked out, agreed to and signed by both parties.  (The DWC Contract Kit is designed for this, but you can create something of your own if you don’t have one). Keep the agreement posted somewhere prominent if possible.

You must be the boss.  Ask for evidence of his accomplishments and completion of the plan.  If he does well, appreciate it.  Reward him in some way.  This is what we want to achieve.  However, if he continues his bad habits either with ‘good excuses’ or just to test you, you know what to do.  And after you have given him ‘good reason to be more responsible’ (and the marks to show it), review the performance plan and renew your commitment to it.  This is not a fun time or joking time.  This is why he asked for you to assume the disciplinary role.

Your job is to firmly explain that you do not expect to have to deal with this same problem again and caution him not to take your warning lightly.  He will understand!

 

Closing Comments

 

By now you should have a good feeling for what is involved in being a DWC wife.  This handbook is by no means the ultimate answer for how to handle your home.  I have tried to provide you with as much wisdom and encouragement as I can.  Each of us must design a system that fits our lifestyle, our preferences and our goals.  What I hope I have accomplished is giving you more confidence, understanding and enthusiasm about some of the basics.  I also hope that you get a sense that you are not alone in this and that you will reach out, make friends, and eventually participate in building community.  The discipline of our men is truly good and rewarding work.  Sharing our experiences with one another and coming together as happy, healthy couples is a joy.

 

About Aunt Kay

 

For your information, I am what you would consider, an ‘ordinary person’.  I love nature and enjoy the company of interesting people.  I work as an executive in a technical business and have more than enough to keep me busy with my family and other interests.  I consider the DWC to be an important activity.  That is why I spend the time and energy to make it happen.

 

Sometimes my husband and I get together with other DWC couples and this is always special for me.  Occasionally I even invite a woman friend over when I want to give an especially memorable discipline session.

 

I am a normal wife and parent.  What I value most is a high quality relationship with lots of mutual support and communication.  For me, and hopefully for you, the DWC lifestyle greatly enriches the quality of a relationship!